Fear & Stress how it affects my health and life!

I have never kept a journal before as I'm not a writer nor do I know exactly how this works.  So here goes, I want to try to use this journal as a therapy for me and hopefully a road to healing. I think to myself do I even bother considering I am now 52 years old and well face it time is not on my side at this age! I suffer with Anxiety, Panic, OCD, BiPolar, imbalanced hormones, weight issues, stress, depression now there may be more only God knows but however these are what I am aware of. I have NEVER taken any meds for any of my conditions "Why"? I ask myself the samething mostly because of fear! I am so sensitive to meds since I almost had a deadly reaction to penicillin I have been scared to death of meds ever since.  I think that my issues have a main root to them that started from childhood and has carried on through my life at every age, and stage! What I would like to do in this journal is start from the very begining and deal with how I felt, and how it affected me.  Maybe face and defeat the demons that have haunted me for so long! I can no longer act like I'm okay and that all the horrible situations in my life didn't affect me like I pretended all these many years!  My only wish is that when it is all said and done that I can have a few years of good health, joy, peace and not look and feel like a freak! I want to say before I close just for tonight  that I know from many years of NOT having love, compassion, trust, affection and anyone really caring about me or showing me these main ingredients of life are the beginning of growing roots that have rotten my insides and ate at me like a cancer has caused all my conditions that I mentioned above. If you want to follow my journal on this I will start from the age I can remember until the age I am now. I know it's been since Oct 2009 since I've wrote in my journal,  so many things keep me from it, I will try to make a much better effort because my purpose for this is my inner healing and hopefully will help someone else that struggles with some of my same issues.  Like I said I would start with the age I can remember and that would be 6 years old.  My mom was basically a drunk and liked to whore around and my dad was a hard worker but a VERY jealous man and he was very racist and dealt with severe depression and was in a mental institution for awhile (I found this out after his suicide) well let me get this nightmare started as thats my entire life one nightmare right after another.  At 6 years old I remember one night my dad gather all us children (there was  5 other siblings) together and him and my mom took us to grandmas house  it was like 1:00AM. My dad and mom was fighting and supposedly dad was going hunting at almost 2:00am for   squirrel!