fear and loathing

God, kill me. c'mon, we both know it'll probably be the best thing ... for the both of us. i know a little bit about You, You know ...eveything. You've done the math on Inflationary Theory... Yyou know whether it's a theory or not. You know how the specie act of 1837 worked out. i mean, c'mon! dammit.! give us a chance!.    alright i'm sorry... truly... apologatic.you know, you're a christian... forgive me....please? i just wanted breath, was so ..., whaddyacallit?   impudent?  couldn't you have just sat that one back?   been like, that one's O.K. he's got enough shit? he's not gonna be another job. he's cool. let 'im in the club. didn't i give enough tears? didn't i give enough blood? was it the renounciations?! was it the pain? was it the dead friends? was it the dead family? my life as a ghost? MY LIFE ? was it when i washed up on the shore? so many fucking times? i used to say that was you, but i know now, you cheap hack... that was my sister. you didn't have a hand in a fucking thing, 'cuz you got jealous and you took 'er, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?       so many of your's told me to be good, "because i couldn't ub=nderstand". the were the ones that controled your words. was that they're fault? or Yours? You cheap date. why the fuck would You tell Noah that this drink of his was such a horrible thing, and then of all the Sodomites, with all Your Wisdom, You save Noah.            AND WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT I'M UNWORTHY?!?       i have done nothing, but believe in your existence. i, who have prayed to You. i, who have always known that Your way was right. i, who always asked Your guidance from this cesspool to another of Your making.         You, you arbitrator of freewill. what a gift, freewill. i love it, freeewill and all the pain you can suffer. just because your Son took a dive... i feel for your loss, but we're the ones here. we;re the ones with a faded lifeline. we're the ones with the fucked up parents. we're the the one's to watch hope die in fire. we're the ones here.       HOW IS IT THAT YOU FUCKED THIS JOB UP SO BAD THAT PEOPLE.....     You have to think about these things, Sir.the answers... there're jokes, pastel preachers with stuffed crotches? stuffed sermons? who the fuck are our guides? You take them! we see the sacred shores, and then the tides come in. we get close, and then the tides go out! we see a prophet.... a chance.... a dream.... and then like the picture of the devil... You blur it. we see a future. and You take it.        there are no precious waters tha You haven't traversed, no far shores You haven't beaten us to, no dreams You haven't denied us...there are no sins that we can perform that You don't fear, but what of the sins that You are heir to?  because when the dream of Man and God shall be finalized, is the word going to be that us men did our best to kill the worst in all of us, and God did His best to kill us all.