Fear and fear itself is worse than illness
I have been afraid of losing loved ones and being alone for so long that now that it has happened and I've lost everyone I can't find a reason to go on. I lived for my dogs, especially one. He recently passed. He meant the world to me.
I've been sick for so many years that my dogs meant more to me than humans. Yet like so many on here the isolation of life is overwhelming. Been involved with a man for almost five years now and want to get away from him but am terrified of being alone. Because since 2008 five humans and four canine best friends have died. I don't want friends because they will die and leave me.
Pre-illness 20 years ago, I had a full life. I always had a plan and started over a dozen times because always needed change in my life.
Now change just means loss. Anxiety about the future has ruled for 10 years. Not even a fourth of the person I used to be.
Don't know how to pick myself up again.
I've been sick for so many years that my dogs meant more to me than humans. Yet like so many on here the isolation of life is overwhelming. Been involved with a man for almost five years now and want to get away from him but am terrified of being alone. Because since 2008 five humans and four canine best friends have died. I don't want friends because they will die and leave me.
Pre-illness 20 years ago, I had a full life. I always had a plan and started over a dozen times because always needed change in my life.
Now change just means loss. Anxiety about the future has ruled for 10 years. Not even a fourth of the person I used to be.
Don't know how to pick myself up again.
Replies
Hello Wolfgang Minerva, I am reading a good book on Compassionate
Communication. Over the years, I have attempted to learn listening skills.
I have always been one to \'try and fix things\'. I guess I didn\'t trust the process to know that others can gain their own answers and insights. I have heard what
you\'re saying here. There is a lot of loss in your life and with that comes grief and pain. Add to that our own aging process and an illness for which few if any people have understanding or empathy about, it can be totally
overwhelming.
So, as your witness and someone who has experienced many of these things myself as of late, I hear what you\'re going through.
I\'m feeling for you .So sorry that you are suffering so deeply.Your fears are completely understandable.We spend our life developing loving relationships knowing the whole time that they are all temporary and sooner or later these loved ones will be ripped away from us.Amazingly, some people are able to accept, grieve, regather strength and move on with the desire to still be happy.
Others like you and me find it much more difficult.Although being a sensitive person can be seen as a positive quality, it is certainly a disadvantage when we are faced with the harsh reality of this world.The fact that we are already struggling so much with ill health makes any challenge so much harder.We are already fighting for our life and so any more pain or loss is just unbearable.
I am very ill and have fear of losing my husband.Not only have I spent 41 years with him but I depend on him to look after me when I am so often bedridden. Not being physically strong and independent frightens me. I have lost my parents and close friends.In the last two years I have lost four uncles and oneaunt.I have a brother who is only 16mths older than me who is dying from liver cancer. It hurts.Somehow I have to learn to let go and believe that I can survive. If I just had some energy I might have a chance.I know how you feel.When you are so sick , the thought of struggling alone is terrifying, I agree.
I am sorry that you lost your darling dog. So we are all in this together.Living in these temporary physical bodies in this very strange world.Forced to suffer pain and loss.Looking for a reason for our existence.Wanting answers and comfort .Tired of the insecurity and fear. However we must not give up. We can go further down or we can choose to fight for hope and joy and love despite all obstacles. Heart hugs to you.xoxo
New Year means more changes, and I am having trouble copying with them. As we age, the energy necessary to deal with newness, is lacking. I do try to enjoy what I still have. Since losing my eldest son, six years ago, the pain has been hard. This year I hope to suffer less, feel grateful more, and love those I still have.
When my loved poodle died, Fancy, I was bereft. The house was too quiet, too serious all day long. Now, we have a little rescue, Bishon Frise, and she keeps me laughing. What a clown! It took me too long to get another dog, for loyalty to my Fancydog. Fortunately, this new dog has brought joy and humor back into our little home. Hope for a good New Year, and a good New Dog. Love, Abby
I am not on here too much, but know that you are in my heart. i am so sorry to hear about your dog. I know how that is. I sure do miss you. When I seen your hug, I am like Wow! I know what loneliness is like also. My son is in the military so it has been rough. I would like to hear from you again. I am going to pm you my number, if you ever wish to talk.
My heart breaks for you. I know the pain of feeling like everyone has abandon you and with each furbaby that passes on, they take a huge piece of your heart too. I think of our heart like a well and when your love is all being drained out you need a refill. I think you are very much in need of a fill up. Big hugs and love to you dear heart. You hang in there you hear! Those other pups need you and would die for you. Dont abandon them!
I know this is an old post but just wanted you to know i totally get whaf you are going through and hope things are feeling much better these days. I was just poking around on the site and befn trying to fugure out what the "journals" are and came across yours so hope you dont mindcmy posting. I think i am prob too verbose on many of my posts and perhaps the journal is a better venue for me. Altho it seems like anyone might havr access to them..even outside our group...do you know if that is true? And i dont understand what the role of friend status is..does it give more access to ones personal info? Seems induvidusl messaging is available to anyone anyway. Dont know if youll see this, but hang in there. Ive lost most of my friends, family and partner in shirt number of years..i get wgy you would hold onto your relationship...i let mine go but am now wishing i didnt in some ways...no quality of life when no physical ability and no one by your side for company.
Lord am new here, I can really relate. I lost 9 siblings and 5 nieces and nephews that were so close to my age they felt like siblings to me as well. I feel totally lost and alone. Some days I dont want to go on but I do please add me as friend.