Fatigued
I can't break this constant feeling of tiredness.. I have wonderful full sleeps and wake up rested.. to be up 5 minutes and feel like I need more...
Yesterday was such a gorgeous day and today is following through the same... I went for two talks and felt like I could collapse on the floor. I put it down to the sun. But today I'm the same.. Im bloated and sore and my toilet motions either way are crappy still. Yesterday my kidneys were feeling funny too =(
Right this second if you gave me a blanket and a pillow I'd sleep for hours. I think my body is stressed, worn out from this stupid disease and overwhelmed. I booked in an appointment next week for the psychologist I feel myself becoming low and bitter, If I'm not in pain I'm tired or I'm both. While I put on a smile, I can't stop hating myself.
I know it's not my fault and I know at the end of the day I will find a way to get through it all. But it doesn't stop that self pity, and torment and guilt at what I put everyone through and that hate towards my body for being so horrible and making me feel 70.
If I can later I plan to go for a small walk.. the exercise is good for me.. but I know it'll only make me tired and sore. But I have to experience the air..even if it means coming home to nap and heat up my heat pack.
Please God,
Let me live.
x
Yesterday was such a gorgeous day and today is following through the same... I went for two talks and felt like I could collapse on the floor. I put it down to the sun. But today I'm the same.. Im bloated and sore and my toilet motions either way are crappy still. Yesterday my kidneys were feeling funny too =(
Right this second if you gave me a blanket and a pillow I'd sleep for hours. I think my body is stressed, worn out from this stupid disease and overwhelmed. I booked in an appointment next week for the psychologist I feel myself becoming low and bitter, If I'm not in pain I'm tired or I'm both. While I put on a smile, I can't stop hating myself.
I know it's not my fault and I know at the end of the day I will find a way to get through it all. But it doesn't stop that self pity, and torment and guilt at what I put everyone through and that hate towards my body for being so horrible and making me feel 70.
If I can later I plan to go for a small walk.. the exercise is good for me.. but I know it'll only make me tired and sore. But I have to experience the air..even if it means coming home to nap and heat up my heat pack.
Please God,
Let me live.
x
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