Fat and Ugly Tuna vs... Fat and Beautiful Caviar....
i am still very sad ... and letting go has never been easy for me.... i don't handle change very well and i am just starting to wonder- what exactly is wrong with me? i mean in general- i still feel very unloveable despite the fact that i've yet again changed my profile- it was a spur of the moment thing... Matt has once again left me feeling like i'm the Tuna Fish that was left out in the sun - and he's thrown me out - and replaced me with Caviar...... yep thats me- the friggin Tuna....... well i hope he chokes on his damn Caviar ! i just don't get it- she throws him in jail , gets a restraining order- and then says oh it wasn't me- i was on my meds and my mommy made me do it ! and its all ok- how many of u- are still taking orders from ur mommy when ur 40 years old? i just wanna know? cause i'm friggin confused on that one! i'm very bitter as well today- i hate men right now and if one more tells me i'm pretty or that he loves me- i think i will blow his f ***ing brains out ! i stood by him through all of this- i stayed up all night and talked to him- sometimes from 9 p.m. til 5 a.m. knowing i had to get back up at 6:30 ! and i am the one who talked him out of ending his life- i'm the one who told him it was going to be ok.... i stood by his side right or wrong and believed in him- cause i love him! and still she gets his love and i'm told its because i'm ugly! so next time i hear- beauty is in the eye of the beholder or looks don't get u everywhere - excuse me while i go puke and then throw some of it on you !!!!!!!! for once i'd love for a guy to love me the way i love them- but i just don't see that happening- i'm having a very hard time trusting them right now and in public i just avoid them - if a guy looks at me- especially one thats good looking- i just look away or look down and go in the other direction cause i think omg why is he staring and smiling at me- i feel very self contious and i think- men shouldn't have to look at me if i'm so horrible that nobody can love me..... this is why women have eating disorders- no i'm not saying its the only reason- but it is a major one- guys have no idea what they do to us- we are supposed to look a certain way for them- and then once we get that look achieved we aren't good enough cause they never cared in the first place...... i'll admit it- i'm fat- yes i said it- FAT ! and because of this and apparently my ugly face- nobody will look past it and get to the inside- inner beauty- yes women see it- but men- men don't look for inner beauty ..... u all want a playboy bunny that u can fantasize about when she is not home and play with when she is- and so i'll never be that- and u know what- i'm damn proud of it- i will have high standards for the next guy = if there is a next guy that i date- and he will have to prove that he loves me just as much as i love him-but i'm gonna stop now - this has been my rambling and venting for the day- i need to let out a deep breath now and just breathe .............
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