Family losses
Hey. Not much going on. More of the same. Doing "okay".
My aunt died yesterday. Touched us all. She was a wonderful woman. That generation of my family is almost all gone.
I was glad to have a chance to visit her during her three -day stay at the hospital. We were going to church when just by chance her daughter was driving by and she stopped to tell us that my aunt was sick and we might want to stop at the hosptial to see her, and right after Mass we did. And then Tuesday I was in the neighborhood and my wife suggested I visit while I had an hour to kill, so I did, but at the time I had forgot that she was there.
Is that the error of "living in the moment" that I am trying so feebly to adopt?
I am merely trying to stay in the present tense, to stop all this "if I had..." daydreaming. But I confess I have these horse blinders on. that hasn't changed.
anyway so I was visiting her on Tuesday, her grandson calls the room, who lives 2 hours away and asks me if he needs to come down. the nurse had said that the doctor says she will be okay, so I tells him that message.
She dies early that morning, he didn't get there in time. I feel bad about that. So I talked to his mom and she knew all about it. She told me it was okay, since he did get to talk to her when I was there.
Ugh.
So yesterday was weird. My doughter had a homework assignment that required an updated version of Shockwave, which took me about 90 minutes to do, and both kids needed the computer so I felt frazzled and impatient by the time I declared victory. I had things to do. I made plans. Which is why I don't make plans. but it all got done so I should stop bitching about getting things done. But I do anyway. See, I am still bitching. I ranted (though not angry this time) about how everyone needs me (which is supposed to be a GOOD feeling) but it seems I can't get return on it. It could by my dysthymic lack of feeling that may affect this.
So I offered, at dinnertime, to take the boy fishing Saturday morning, and he is balking. The girl, who, if she was Native American, her name would be, "She who puts lures in trees" was all into going. I had just bought these hard-to-find lures that I have seen work very very well, and I'll be damned if I have them for only a few hours. But i might have to be an adult about that.
Wudever. Let me go suffer though my existence today. Ciao.
My aunt died yesterday. Touched us all. She was a wonderful woman. That generation of my family is almost all gone.
I was glad to have a chance to visit her during her three -day stay at the hospital. We were going to church when just by chance her daughter was driving by and she stopped to tell us that my aunt was sick and we might want to stop at the hosptial to see her, and right after Mass we did. And then Tuesday I was in the neighborhood and my wife suggested I visit while I had an hour to kill, so I did, but at the time I had forgot that she was there.
Is that the error of "living in the moment" that I am trying so feebly to adopt?
I am merely trying to stay in the present tense, to stop all this "if I had..." daydreaming. But I confess I have these horse blinders on. that hasn't changed.
anyway so I was visiting her on Tuesday, her grandson calls the room, who lives 2 hours away and asks me if he needs to come down. the nurse had said that the doctor says she will be okay, so I tells him that message.
She dies early that morning, he didn't get there in time. I feel bad about that. So I talked to his mom and she knew all about it. She told me it was okay, since he did get to talk to her when I was there.
Ugh.
So yesterday was weird. My doughter had a homework assignment that required an updated version of Shockwave, which took me about 90 minutes to do, and both kids needed the computer so I felt frazzled and impatient by the time I declared victory. I had things to do. I made plans. Which is why I don't make plans. but it all got done so I should stop bitching about getting things done. But I do anyway. See, I am still bitching. I ranted (though not angry this time) about how everyone needs me (which is supposed to be a GOOD feeling) but it seems I can't get return on it. It could by my dysthymic lack of feeling that may affect this.
So I offered, at dinnertime, to take the boy fishing Saturday morning, and he is balking. The girl, who, if she was Native American, her name would be, "She who puts lures in trees" was all into going. I had just bought these hard-to-find lures that I have seen work very very well, and I'll be damned if I have them for only a few hours. But i might have to be an adult about that.
Wudever. Let me go suffer though my existence today. Ciao.
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