Family Evolutions

I find myself lost in ruminations about my eldest niece. She is 40 something now and I lost track of her many names and all the etceteras attached after the 2nd wedding. She openly admits that she doesnae like being married. She just likes the weddings. I made the mistake of bonding with her second husband and was, perhaps unreasonably so, hurt when that bond was cut with the speed of a legal stamp and unable to transfer the bond to the next ex at her preferred speeds. Sorry, love. My bonding mechanisms don't work at the speed of a microprocessor. I neither know, nor care how many men she has ex'ed since then. I sometimes wonder if I should feel guilty for the closed-heart approach, but I feel a need for self-defense. Forgive me if you must for feeling pain when I lose people I care about. I reserve the right to protect my heart, whether you can forgive me or knot.

It is the transition with SO/AB which triggered ruminations over my eldest niece and her divorce subculture. Technically, SO isnae and hasnae ever been family. ES has lived by mysoginistic bachelor logics since he fell in with the druggie/dropout crowd during the onset of Narcolepsy in the mid 90's. His "What Women Really Want" spiels could turn the most stout of stomachs coming from an adolescant mouth. Coming from a middle-aged man's mouth? Get the rope. Yet, he has wonderful taste in women when he does have a girlfriend long enough for me to meet her. I have loved every woman he has introduced me to, but, as with the eldest niece's husbands, there isnae any point to bonding with any of them. They will be ex-inated soon and grumpy old bachelors can cut bonds even quicker than wedding-loving romantics. I resisted bonding with SO on the same grounds, but by some miracle, she is still around, 5 years later. Both ES and SO tell me they have already ex-inated, but they sure don't look like it to my senses. Hubs doesnae see it, either, but it isnae ours to sort. We take middle-aged adults on their word in these matters. ESPECIALLY the ones who call us, "Mom and Dad." Whatever you say, Sweetie.

SO's transition to AB (Assistant Beekeeper) is still lacking clear definition, but both Hubs and I are at peace with the feel of it. There isnae a doubt in anyone's mind that Hubs needs an assistant. His bee operations have developed beyond what one body can do alone and he is still working a full-time tech exec position. His long-established work-a-holic tendencies are once again grinding his 61 year old body to a nub. I am grateful that he is acknowleging his mortality and has been looking for an assistant, but the search is looking like more lip-service than action to my wife senses. Please donae ask me to do another 3 month near death experience with you, Love. Nor can I wish away the bee allergy which has me near paralyzed with anxiety every time you look at me like an Assistant Beekeeper candidate. In the more general gee of it, my sense that Hubs treats me like a corporate employee than a life partner was a sore spot in our marriage long before the 2013 bee mobbings which gave me the bee allergy.

SO really is the most promising of the candidates which Hubs has screened for the Assistant Beekeeper position. It isnae a clearly defined position. Hubs established his first hives in 2012 and the explosive growth since then was a surprise to all. The flexible willingness to *just* do whatever needs doing is the number one need and SO has proved willing and mostly able to do exactly that. Her knowlege of bees and growing sympatico with them have grown a gentle and steady curve in the 5 years she has hung around the Urban Homestead. She has looked downright magical in the establishing of the 5 hives which she and Hubs placed here on the ranch a few short weeks ago. Over the years, she has produced several lotions, lip balms and astringents from the hive by-products which we hope to develop further.

The silence in this dilapidated old ranch house is somewhere between luxurious and disconcerting this morning. GS rode back to the Urban Homestead with Hubs and AB early yesterday afternoon. I have been tempted to put one of GS's cartoon videos in the DVD player, just to break the silence, but haven't yet. The sun is up behind the clouds and the honey barn paint job calls. Air temps willnae get much past 90F today, but I still want to take advantage of the literally coolest hours of the day.