Family and Growth
Hello Everyone! Happy belated Thanksgiving. I have just returned from San Antonio from a quick 51/2 day trip to visit my sister's and her husband. I have always said "if you want to see if you have grown (grown-up) go stay with family.
I am having Thanksgiving at 12:00 today, so I will make this short.
One morning I was woke up by the sound of the vacuum sweeper (made my skin crawl) I got up. My sister had laundry going, scrubbing the floors, next went outside to blow leaves and then rake the rock. I felt very uncomfortable and asked if I could help; she said "no." Such a family memory! "Get your lazy ass up; do something or I will give you something to do; you are a lazy good for nothing", etc. Anyway, I was conscious enough to know I was taking on old feelings, old memories; so I sat, drank my coffee and allowed myself to simply feel the uncomfortable feelings I was having and observe them. 'I' and please know I said 'I' was just like this! My feet hit the floor and I was like a mad woman on the loose! How 'uncomfortable' my children must have been. I cry saying this because it was such 'crazy-making.' I am forgiving myself for this behaviour because it was learned and I didn't know any different; I do not judge my sister for this because she learned the same way I learned. YOU cannot be lazy! YOU cannot relax. Your worth comes from how much you do! But, as I said, I was conscious enough to see all of the 'movie' of mine play out.
Another situation...My sister and brother-in-law are very vocal about a certain political party and it happens to be the opposite of mine. They VOICE their beliefs quite loudly and it's funny because one of the things that is very vocal is condemning LAZY people. Anyway, I was able to allow them to rant and DID NOT reciprocate. THIS is new for me. I would have been in there before defending my side! I felt no need to defend. I am so excited about this.
Many times I would have felt jealous of my sister because she has more money than me, she seems to be happily married, and she seems to have a good relationship with her daughter. But that also felt different. I felt empathy for her as I caught glimpses of hurt and woundedness just like me! I love her deeply and really felt it.
All in all, I am grateful for the visit; I am grateful for the awareness and I am grateful for her and her husband! We have had our issues over the years, but I do believe things have healed and we can now enjoy each other!
Bacon cooking, pie is baking! I think the kitchen is calling me.
Thank-you all for your love and support this past year!
GOBBLE, GOBBLE! That is XO in Turkish!
I am having Thanksgiving at 12:00 today, so I will make this short.
One morning I was woke up by the sound of the vacuum sweeper (made my skin crawl) I got up. My sister had laundry going, scrubbing the floors, next went outside to blow leaves and then rake the rock. I felt very uncomfortable and asked if I could help; she said "no." Such a family memory! "Get your lazy ass up; do something or I will give you something to do; you are a lazy good for nothing", etc. Anyway, I was conscious enough to know I was taking on old feelings, old memories; so I sat, drank my coffee and allowed myself to simply feel the uncomfortable feelings I was having and observe them. 'I' and please know I said 'I' was just like this! My feet hit the floor and I was like a mad woman on the loose! How 'uncomfortable' my children must have been. I cry saying this because it was such 'crazy-making.' I am forgiving myself for this behaviour because it was learned and I didn't know any different; I do not judge my sister for this because she learned the same way I learned. YOU cannot be lazy! YOU cannot relax. Your worth comes from how much you do! But, as I said, I was conscious enough to see all of the 'movie' of mine play out.
Another situation...My sister and brother-in-law are very vocal about a certain political party and it happens to be the opposite of mine. They VOICE their beliefs quite loudly and it's funny because one of the things that is very vocal is condemning LAZY people. Anyway, I was able to allow them to rant and DID NOT reciprocate. THIS is new for me. I would have been in there before defending my side! I felt no need to defend. I am so excited about this.
Many times I would have felt jealous of my sister because she has more money than me, she seems to be happily married, and she seems to have a good relationship with her daughter. But that also felt different. I felt empathy for her as I caught glimpses of hurt and woundedness just like me! I love her deeply and really felt it.
All in all, I am grateful for the visit; I am grateful for the awareness and I am grateful for her and her husband! We have had our issues over the years, but I do believe things have healed and we can now enjoy each other!
Bacon cooking, pie is baking! I think the kitchen is calling me.
Thank-you all for your love and support this past year!
GOBBLE, GOBBLE! That is XO in Turkish!
Replies
right on...about seeing how much you have grown by being around family. I realized I had grown when I could visit my mother and not feel anger and feel compassion for her. Really really good that you have grown and accept that you have. I think it is awesome that you forgive yourself...somethng we all need and have to do to keep recovering and growing.
lots of love & hugs to you Vicky
I think this is amazing Vicki. It is when we are around family that we are really tested. I find even my body reacts in a physical way around my family. This entry shows your growth and acceptance but also your openness to it. Xxxx
I agree with Rick and Rosie. This is wonderful. I am smiling right now because I am happy for you. I am feeling good, warm feelings for you as you grow in this personal journey.
Thank-you all! xo
Happy Late Thanksgiving! Acceptance and non-judgment, a healthy skill for regulating unnecessary stress. Much happier.
Turkish Gobbles: XOXOXO
Rich: At times I still judge and catch myself not accepting things as they are; however, just being aware I do this and want to see it different is a giant step for me. Judgment is not feeling comfortable for me anymore and I am glad that is happening. Missing my San Antonio weather! :-)