Familiarity

Week two of the ACT at the VA.
Earlier this week my newly engaged son was burning time before he picked up his fiance to go for a first round of pre-marital counseling. In our last conversation on the subject, he was reviewing options. Who they had chosen seemed a natural evolution in the conversation. He had chosen a preacher I had met many times and had negative reactions to. Rather than go into my issues and make it about me, I commented on the benefits of familiarity. I was grateful when my husband picked up the dialogue and ran with it. This son is still quiet enough that full, two way dialogues are rare. I was triggering and in danger of a manic broadcast. Manic broadcast gain super wide bandwidth in the presence of quiet people.
The place I was triggering to was a comment I had made at the end of the first ACT session when the leader asked, "How are ya'll feeling about this?"
"I am feeling rather jaded," I commented. "Like I have seen all this before."
Largely, it is true. I have been in therapy for 40 years. Still, one can enjoy a walk in a familiar park without the superior cynicism I was referring to as, "feeling jaded." By the time I can play a tune and sing it with all the notes in almost the right places, I am sick to death of it. The song does not become thoroughly mine until I practice it beyond being sick to death of it.