family

Family is supposed to love each other, even if they don’t show it. But my family loves everyone except me. They hate me. Well, everyone except my mom, grandparents, and the kids. They hate me because I opened my mouth and told what my cousin did to me! I should’ve stayed quiet; things would’ve been fine if I would’ve just stayed quiet. What did I really gain from telling? I lost my family, I lost friends, I had to switch schools, I had to deal with harassment and dirty looks, people treat me different, more stress got added to my life, mom got more protective, I lost freedom, I was forced to talk to a counselor. I’m not seeing the "gain" part. Oh, mom believed me. That’s the only good thing that came out of me telling. And she didn’t believe me when I told her but she did once I told the cops. My whole life growing up my family told me if anyone touched me or hurt me to tell them no matter what the person told me and they will believe & protect me no matter who it is. But when it happened even mom told me I wanted it. She told me not to tell lies like that because I’m just opening a can of worms. She walked in and saw it & yelled at me! She told me that I should know better. People say my mom is my best friend & I can trust her & tell her anything. But I know the truth. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her the truth so what’s the point? Lavinia is my best friend not mom, lavinia cares more & knows I wouldn’t lie about that! She believed me the first time I told her. Why did God put me in a family where first I would get raped and second my family would believe him & hate me like this! I feel like I have no one left! My dogs love me more than my family does. I can’t sleep at night because I’m scared of my dreams & I’m scared hell come back at night while I’m sleeping and hurt me again & people don’t stop calling at night so I can’t fall asleep. I’m going to fail algebra 3, because I can’t stay awake in class & when I go to do homework they call or something happens to keep me from doing it.I’m not going to become a pediatrician anymore, I don’t think it’s the right job for me; I don’t have the strength or energy for med school. My brain can’t take the stress. I don’t know what I’m going to do, maybe ill be lucky and just be able to be a mom & wife. I hate this life I’m trapped in, I’m desperate to get out of my house & away from my so called "family"! If I don’t get out soon I will explode from all the stress & pain! I think I’m going to give up on going to Delaney’s wedding, she probably doesn’t want me there anyway, she’s still mad at me about the whole smoking thing! I don’t know what to do; I just want things to be easy for a little while. I’m tired of dealing with all this crap every single day!