family

I am starting to connect again with new friends. I knew it was only a matter of time. I know it takes a while though. I am getting to know the people at my church group and I am also connecting with people at my new AA mtgs I am going to.So that feels good.     I called my mother today, my weekly responsibility call you know. There is quit a bit going on in my family right now. I think I started something that I am not so sure about. I kkep my distance because I am tired of trying and getting nothing back. I have done this many times until I decided keep in touch , go home on holidays because I do not want to make my parents feel bad.I talked to one of my brothers Sunday to se when his next court date was.  He said he was getting sentenced In 1 mo. My mother is mad at him for something else. I told her she needs to make up and figure it out before he goes or the will both regret it and it is important that we let him know we care before he goes.  My sister called me tonight and we talked also. This is more interaction than we have had in years. What did I open. I want a family but it is hard to put myself out there again for them.I just cannot stand the thought of him sitting in prison thinking that he does not have a family and no one cares.  It occurred to me that I have been sitting in my prison cell of depression for a couple years and I was not willing to put myself out there but I dont want to let him feel the same way I do. It really scares the hell out of me to have open and real talks with them because I may actually let them back in only to be F...ed up .