Fallout
Joe is still texting me. He has my cable equipment at his house and wants to transfer the cable into his name which I'm willing to do. However, after finding out I had dropped him from my car insurance he went crazy and threatened to leave my stuff he has in storage in a random place. As soon as he said that I shut him down by telling him to donate my things and that I would be by Sat with a police officer to collect my cable equipment. He told me I needed to stop while I was ahead and then told me he texted me and told me not to cancel him from my insurance which he did not.
He then said he didnt feel like talking anymore and said we would talk tommorow. I hate drama and glad I got out of that but somehow I dont feel hes going to let go easy and this makes me terribly anxious, I may have to change my number and get a restraining order against him. Hes great at ruining people's lives and that makes me very fearful of him.
On another note, I went out and bought cleaning products to clean Roomies house. He has let it go since I left but told him I dont mind coming and cleaning his house every other week. It's good exercise and my way of watching over him without being connected. Hes leaving for California soon for a week and I will be happy to have cats and house to myself.
There is not enough time in the days to do what I need to do. I should take some time off soon. I need to find furniture and get organized. I am planning on instacarting half day sat and sun. I'd like to make an extra 200.00. I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts..I feel like my brain is scrambled and going in all directions.
I'm anxious and sad right now. Joe keeps texting me and telling me he loves me but not listening to me is not love, threatening me is not love. The more he pushes me the more I pull back. I dont think there is ever a chance for us until he swears off drinking and faces himself. My heart is hard now and so is my mind. Yes, the things he says affects me but they just make me step back further and further each time. I'm almost relieved in the thought of the promise to myself to swear off relationships for a year. I'm looking forward to it.
Replies
I remember when my ex divorced me, I was terrified of being alone for the first time in over 30 years, but it gave me a chance to discover who I was. I spent such a long time, living my life through someone else, I had lost my identity. So I began to look at every day as a new adventure in claiming my identity back.
There are sometimes days when I feel a little lonely but not very many anymore. I am pretty happy in my own skin.
I really believe you will work things out for yourself and that you will set some goals you know you can achieve.
We all have your back here. If there is anything you need, just holler!
I’m not surprised that you’re a bit sad and anxious. You’ve been experiencing some real drama (to put it nicely) and will take some time to pick up the pieces.
I’m proud of you for making the choices you are. It’s funny how we convince ourselves that we need someone to help us stabilize our lives when we do most of the work. Hum.... there’s a lesson here I think:)
I often wonder if the romantic image of love as an either/or commodity is the most efficient love killer ever created. Is it possible to be pure anything? Humans are a complex, multi-faceted species. Purity is not in our DNA. Our emotions are mixed bags, by natural design.
But what do I know? ? ? I don't even have any ex-spouses in my asset portfolio.
More encouragement to keep your eye on the prize of personal independence while you let your romantic contenders sort their own.
Continued support while you sort.