Falling to the Bottom, then Rising Up

Some of you may know that I have been suffering from intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are generally of violent or sacrilegious nature, and for me they are especially anxiety provoking, as I believe strongly that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I just recently went to my regular doctor as my psychiatrist appointment isn't until the 19th, I couldn't wait that long. When I told my doctor about how these thoughts were causing me such anxiety and depression, he gave me some Zoloft to try. I took one immediately. The first time I took it, there were some brief periods in which I felt great, and I wasn't bothered about the thoughts at all. I was even able to stop thinking about them, although not completely. However, for the most part, the Zoloft was inaffective. I knew it was only the first time, and that it would take time, so I took another one right before bed. Then I began to sink. I became obsessed and fearful over a thought about harming family member. I had such tunnel vision because of these thoughts, that I started to believe that those thoughts were my actual feelings. I started freaking out. I kept saying, "No, No!," And then, I remembered that nearly all antidepressants, including Zoloft, have a risk of increased suicidal thought in adolescents. Because of this, my mind started to be assaulted with thoughts of suicide. The thought was tugging at me. It was the scariest experience of my life. I cried in prayer, "Jesus, where are you?" I couldn't see God's light. Somehow, I got up out of my room to use the restroom, and sat down on my bed contemplatively. I calmed down, and fell asleep. I decided to tell my mom about the ordeal when I woke up. I told her, and she gave me a klonopin for the anxiety, which really helped. I then started to look up "violent urges" on the internet. After some browsing, I came across a person who had a similar struggle. Like me, he wondered if these thoughts were his actual feelings. Then he said that it was BECAUSE OF OCD that he thought that way. That was an epiphany for me. The very fact that I was worried about this was because of OCD! I felt great relief. I also remember, that Satan is the greatest liar ever known. Satan is exploiting a chemical imbalance in my brain to give me misery, and he is lying constantly. He is trying to make me believe that I actually do want to do these things. Well, he can't scare me, at least for now. God tells me that what Satan is saying is wrong. I'm going to listen to God. I plan to talk to a counselor about all of this before my psych appointment. Don't worry about me, I'm in good hands. My family has a history of anxiety disorders, so we can all relate to each other, and we are of faith, so we believe we can be healed.