falling
i've slipped further and faster than i thought i had/would. thinking about dying again. i can't stop the cycle of thoughts. i don't know if i even really want to. maybe i'm just not cut out to be here even when i work at it i fail. all i can think of is dr. q-- saying i don't belong why should anyone waste their time on me. he's right i think now. i shouldn't have tried to fight what he was saying. i didn't want to believe it, but that's all there is isn't there, all i am. failure and a waste of space.
Replies
You are absolutely worthy and definately not a waste of space or time. Eveyone feels like a failure at times. It\'s easy to lose hope when feeling as bad as you do and not see the possibility of feeling better. You are just as important as every other human Is there someone you trust who can help through this traumatic time.
Take care. Hugs!!!
thank you but no , my only family here is too caught up in being young and free and beautoful to notice or care that i\'m sinking, and i alientaed all my true friends years ago. all alone as i deserve and not caring that i don\'t really have to motivation to make it out.
Why in the world would a doctor say that? He/she needs to be run over! Seriously... I\'m in the mood to do some trampling :) Just kidding! Hopefully I made you smile for a minute anyway... I\'m here if you want to talk!
just what was dr q thinking!!!! what is your family thinkg!!!! these people are toooo............ just put them in THEIR place and let them know you belong here as much as they do. God brought you into this world for a reason and only He has the right to take you from this world. You shouldn\'t try to help Him make the decision, either. You see, He can see the whole picture and He has plans for you and me.
thanks mary, you know that saying- i\'m god\'s work in progress? i\'m trying to keep that in mind. dr. q isn\'t a medical doctor he\'s one of my professors-when i went to see him about falling behind in his class he said it wasn\'t ethical of the university to allow me to stay because i\'m bp and that i didn\'t really belong in a university environment so why was i (wasting his time/taking up space that could go to a capable student, etc).
Well... he still sounds like an a-hole to say that to you!
I have to wonder if this professor even knows what bp even is maybe he should be educated himself on the disorder and stop being so ignorant.... you could copy this and give it to him to read..... Many famous people have been affected by bipolar disorder. It is often suggested that genius and mental illness are linked. In the case of bipolar disorder, many of those who suffer from the disorder also have exceptional gifts. Above average creativity is sometimes considered a symptom of bipolar disorder. Manic episodes or hypomania may lead to times of intense productivity. Living with bipolar disorder is not a smooth road to creative genius. Those who suffer from the disorder walk a tightrope of mania or hypomania occasionally accompanied by ideas and aspirations hanging over a pit of depression and hopelessness.
Some actors and actresses have revealed their bipolar disorder diagnosis. Richard Dreyfuss, Carrie Fisher, Stephen Frey, Linda Hamilton, Vivian Leigh, Ben Stiller, and Jean Claude Van Damme are known to have bipolar disorder. Patty Duke wrote a book describing her personal turmoil of living with bipolar disorder. Maurice Bernard, from the soap opera \"General Hospital,\" has discussed his diagnosis and promotes awareness about the disorder. Marilyn Monroe is also thought to have suffered from the disorder.
Many authors and poets are thought to have suffered from bipolar disorder. Hans Christian Anderson, Charles Dickens, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert Louis Stevenson, Mark Twain, and Virginia Woolf are famous writers who had bipolar disorder. Lord Byron, Ralph Waldo Emerson, John Keats, and Sylvia Plath are poets who suffered from manic depression.
Vincent Van Gogh and Edvard Munch are famous artist who had bipolar disorder. Ludwig van Beethoven and Robert Schumann are famous composers who suffered the highs and lows of bipolar disorder. Musicians Jimi Hendrix, Axl Rose, Courtney Love, Ozzy Osborne, Steven Page, Tom Scholz, Scott Weiland, and Jim Morrison lived with this condition. Winston Churchill, Benjamin Franklin, and Alexander Hamilton are historic figures who are thought to have suffered from some form of bipolar disorder. Patrick Kennedy suffers from bipolar disorder.
Florence Nightingale lived with the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Isaac Newton, Ludwig Boltzmann, and Emil Post are mathematicians who had bipolar disorder. Athletes Frank Bruno, Chris Kanyon, Neil Lennon, Jimmy Piersall have bipolar disorder.
Kay Redfield Jamison is a psychologist who wrote extensively about her experiences with bipolar disorder. She wrote memoirs that described her personal battle with the disorder. She also wrote a book that examines the link between bipolar disorder and artistic creativity.
People who have bipolar disorder have touched our lives in countless ways. Bipolar disorder has indirectly affected us by touching the lives of those who have made contributions to humanity. The next time you listen to a classical music piece by Beethoven or Schumann or read a poem by Keats or Emerson, remember that the creators of those works of art were living the extremes of bipolar disorder. And though bipolar disorder causes great distress for those who live it, it is difficult to deny that it may also be a gift.
sorry so long but I just hate it when people in his position are so ignorant and look down on others like he did with you... With all I have read of you, you are a very intelligent and compassionate person , Blessings to you ^j^
Angel, thank you so very much. I knew some of these names and ironically Dr. Q is having our class read Dickens right now and did mention that the man was a bit neurotic at times. I knew when I met with him that it was going to be an uphill battle. I don\'t like disclosing personal information to professors. I did that in undergrad and was burned badly. Instead of recognising she had a student in serious need of help she ridiculed me to the department and failed me for the class. Some of my behaviours back then were so obviously hypomanic episodes I\'m surprised i didn\'t do more damage than I did (to myself and others) and more surprised that no one recognised that my mood swings weren\'t normal that I had a major problem. Trying to make my way back now is so much harder and I wish our society was better equipped to understand that bipolar isn\'t a lark. We don\'t want to be viewed as lazy and unmotivated when we\'re fighting depressions and blue moods. Nor do we want to be so high into creative moments that we lose touch with reality or get caught up in grandiosity and it\'s ugly flip side paranoia.
I have to talk to all my professors this week about my medical withdrawal and I\'m nervous about it, but I think it\'s the right thing to do (for me at least). I\'ve tried reading Kay Redfield Jamison\'s Unquiet Mind about 10 times now, one day I\'ll finish it, but what I\'ve taken from it so far is that she\'s always fighting. Sometimes I am tired of fighting, but I really want my degree. At this point I don\'t know if I\'ll ever hold a job again (it\'s hard when you\'re not stable for more than a few months at a time), but I do want my credentials just to say that I\'ve finally earned them.
People like Dr. Q- just remind me how deep the stigma and ignorance goes and even though it was a personal blow to me I think I\'m more sad that someone like me, an undergraduate in one of his classes might be facing the same kinds of issues, not knowing why they\'re shifting moods like wind on waves and he\'ll be too blind to reach out to help them.
eh...enough of my rambling. I think I\'m going to go listen to some Beethoven now and think about what is possible for those of us who run slightly mad *grin*
Thank you.