falling

i've slipped further and faster than i thought i had/would. thinking about dying again. i can't stop the cycle of thoughts. i don't know if i even really want to. maybe i'm just not cut out to be here even when i work at it i fail. all i can think of is dr. q-- saying i don't belong why should anyone waste their time on me. he's right i think now. i shouldn't have tried to fight what he was saying. i didn't want to believe it, but that's all there is isn't there, all i am. failure and a waste of space.