Failure

I have been dealing with my depression for years. Im only 23 and ive been dealing with depression and anxiety since i can remember. I still remember the first time i thought about killing myself, i was in third grade. I didnt know it was called suicide i just knew that if i stepped in front of the train i wouldnt be so sad anymore. I wouldnt be such a burden on my family. Ive been to so many therapist and pychcologist its ridiculous. i just want to stop being so sad, i want to stop lashing out for no reason. I want to wake up and be happy i woke up. i want to be able to go out on a date with my fiance. Im slowly pushing him away. I just want to stop feeling like this.