Failing to get away from it
Yesterday i flew up North to a little island that my grandad stays on. i was so looking forward to coming up here where it is so peaceful and beautiful and where i could spend time with my grandad, but as usual i have ruined everything by completely messing up again! i am just so frustrated with myself. i have been doing really well snce i told my family about my ED and started taking medication, but now i can feel myself falling back into the destructive cycle. yesterday i binged and purged and i was so depressed about it the whole of today, but i still binged tonight aswell!! i swear its like all rationality leaves me and i just dont know what to do about it. ive not purged yet but its really hard not to. i thought coming up here would be a great escape from everything but now i realise there is no escape. im here for two weeks and im really scared that im going to do badly the whole time im here and reverse all the good i have done up until now. i called my brother tonight and he said he would come up next weekend. i hate having to rely on my family and put pressure on them but i really feel much safer within my own mind when im with my brother, i hate the thought of disappointing him. Aaagh i just hate how i cant do this! i want so badly to get better so why does my mind not go along with what i want?! i feel like i am having a constant internal battle with myself but on the outside i have to carry on as normal. i feel like i should take my progress back. Sorry for the rambling nonsense ive probably come out with, i just feel so demoralised and lost right now.
Replies
There is no such thing as reversing all the progress you have made. 2 steps forward, one step back. Thats the way it goes. Beating yourself up will only make things worse. When you B/P just start fresh and don\'t look back. You can do it. xx
I knowhow you feel honey, but JanetA is right. I had two weeks ith family where i went backwards and then a week where i went forwards, and now i am back home, i am having to really stay motivated and focused. It\'s not a straght road to recovery, and there is no rationality with ED that\'s for sure, but you are determined and that is so important. be kind to yourself
Wanting to get better is the main part, giving yourself the coping skills is completely different, I hope to be able to help you with this, email me anytime and we can talk about creating your \"safety net\" to help your recovery. Love Fane xxxxxxxxx