Failing to cope as I usually do

I am new to this site and joined so I could respond to a member with some songs by demi Lovato that help me cope (usually). However due to what has happened in the last 24 hours(one of my rapists confessed and tried to commit suicide) I also thought joining the rape discussion group would be good for me. I have been through so much in my short life and am told by most that I'm an inspiration because I seem to deal with my past so well. I'm my best friends hero and the strongest person my mommy knows. Yet here I sit unable to sleep, bawling my eyes out while my heart tries to break free of my chest. I feel like all my hard work to be stable and semi normal is falling apart because one of my rapists has finally told the truth. I should be happy and feel vindicated that those who doubted my word now know what those who stood by me always have. That I'm extremely honest. Yet I'm not happy and I don't feel vindicated...I feel afraid, confused, hurt, and mostly like I'm falling apart.