Failure!
I have therapy tomorrow and I'm really not looking forward to it. I'm going to have to go in and say that I haven't been to work at all this week. I'm supposed to be going in in the mornings for 4 hours, 3 times a week but I've not made it once this week cause I've been feeling so down again. I was doing so well and now it's going to be the same old story. "Hey guess what! Yep that's right, feeling shit again so everything goes out the window. Yep that's right I am indeed a complete failure. I can't keep anything going and I was stupid to think I ever could!" I've just tried to pretty much ignore the downward spiral as I felt it creeping in because I didn't want to believe it was going to happen again. Not after I've been doing well for the longest time since being ill. But no, here it is again. Rearing it's ugly head. I hate it! I hate it so much! Why wont this horrible shitty illness just leave me alone to get on with the life I was going to have! Why do I have to let it beat me down so that I don't even want to get up and live anymore! Oh I forgot, because I'm a stupid, weak, piece of crap who just builds everyone's hopes up and then disappoints them over and over. And now, typing this out, I've realised just how much I FUCKING HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!!
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