Fading away

Sometimes I just wish I didn't have to go through this anymore. It's almost like everyday I'm really angry or I'm super depressed and some days it's a mixture of both. It makes me feel like why can't there be one day when I don't have to feel like this or in this case why does anybody have to feel like this! Why do any of us have to feel this way, it just doesn't seem right... I'm trying my best to stay with my christiananity but day by day it just gets harder and harder. When I go to church to try to understand as best as I can what God wants for me, All I hear from other people is that God loves me. If God really loved me wouldn't he let me be happy by letting me live with him and not around the things that make me so sad? I just wish that if I dont kill myself if he would just let me fall asleep at night and then slowly let me fade away...That's the one wish I hope God won't let me down on