Facing reality
I'm living back at my flat now, and I have to face the reality that your not coming back. Just being here without you makes it real. Im sitting here listening to our party song, and wish you were here with me sharing a bottle of jack daniels like old times. Sometimes, the sadness hits me so hard that I don't sleep. Then the next day I feel even worse because your not here AND I'm over tired. Im finding it so difficult getting on with life without you, I cant sleep in my bed, I sleep on the sofa because I need background distractions to fall asleep now. I miss you so much I don't go a day without thinking about you. You were my best friend, and room mate I ever had. I always felt safe when you were here, now that safety is gone and I'm left with emptiness. But I need to learn to look after myself now and live the best life I can for you, as I know it's what you would have wanted for me. I miss and love you everyday.
Replies
I know you are going through such a emotional roller coaster of grief. I can only offer my prayers to you to be strong as you go through this.
I pray God gives you Peace to know your boyfriend is still with you and even though he is not seen, your spirit can sense his.
Hugs,
Judy
i can sense him every day
He is with you ever day it is so so hard on you my sweet child/ make him proud by looking after yourself/ and all i can do is pray that you will keep geting strong
Hello there...it\'s been awhile since I\'ve been on here...from the sound of your recent journal entry it sounds as if you\'ve come to the acceptance point and so I see you are working through it. My goodness, it\'s a roller coaster isn\'t it? Up, down, all around and sometimes, some days you feel as if you will get thru okay and then someone or something triggers that thought of your loved one and there you go right back to it. But, I must add, it does sound to me that you are working through it. I remember reading your journal posts from past days and your head is clearer and it sounds mostly like sadness and regret and acceptance. I do hope you are getting on okay.
I also read the previous post about his wake and the awfulness of how his family treated you as if you had no sadness about this man\'s passing. Nobody thought to comfort you, to ask you how you are feeling. And it\'s more traumatic for you because you found him so you have that added grief!
Weddings & Funerals...two places where you will really find people behaving badly. How sad. But sometimes, there are those that shine through for us...those who are kind and selfless. Look for those faces; continue to look for the goodness in everyone and everything on your journey.
I know your heart still aches; I can hear it in your words. Don\'t let someone\'s unbearable sorrow steal your joy! He wished not to live - that was HIS wish, not yours! Take your joy back! Baby steps...peace & joy to you QG.
Yes his family have been horrible, but friends have been nice there are some people I have around that I don\'t know where I would be without them