FACING AN UNCERTAIN WORLD
Lately...this ole world seem so up close and Frightening...
Kids taking guns to schools.. folks killin folks in the name of God..
Lack of Jobs...Lack of Control..Lack of Leadership in Washington..
My life pesonally, is pretty much over...can see the end of a long rough road just round the bend. Kids don't much like to hear me tell em that.. They all in thier 30's, on just turned 20.
All this mumbo jumbo chit going on in our lives, that seem to cause more problems than they cure. Doctors these days don't want to cure... they want to treat, and treat some more. Here's a pill for ya bloodpressure. Oh dang now you need a pill for water Retention. Your cholestrol is too high, we got a pill for that too. This here pill is cause the side effect of them other pills.
If the muscle pain and weakness from the side effects of the pill ya take make you depressed, hey not to worry here's an anti-depresant.. relax with these muscle relaxers...
Oh did your insurance company just dropp you cause you outta Job...! Oops.. tuff chit.. them pills gonna cost ya now...
Oh your on SSI, you are covered by Medicaid, well kinda... lets see.. yeah we gotta pill for that... if your medical provider will pay for it.. oh strips for you blood tester... sorry not covered... but hey they only 35 dollars a box...
Oh yeah you over weight, you need to exercise. You need to do this and that, and well no that aint covered by your health providers...you should try the county Human Resourses...
I don't know how to feel any more... no cost of living increase cause Mr. Obama froze them paycheck for folks on the Hill.. so folks on Social Security,and SSI... aint had a cost of living increase since he put that into effect... Each year food cost more, gas cost more, rent and utilities cost more, but they tell me there hasn't been in Inflation last year so .... no increase in my SSI...
My old 1990 plymouth van, has developed some kind of electrical problems.. plus the exhaust has rusted off...windows wont roll up or down...it's been a faithful old thing, for many years...but it is now time to retire it... hey it's got good tires... but that dang computer chip... it's insane...so jeesh...
I had my son call up my other son.. hey... dad needs some help..oh you gonna give him a ride... how ya gonna stuff his 400 plus pound ass in ya little dodge shadow.????? Okay so I tried... ya don't look a gift horse in the mouth right..?
I managed to get in the car... but I couldn't shut the door..seat belt? .. forget that...oh man... how low can ya go... head was pressed against the ceiling.. knees jammed against the dash...back screamin bloody murder... PANIC ATTACK... man aint had one those in years...[brain on overload... LET ME OUTTA HERE]..
couldn't get outta that little car fast enough... man I feel like such a jerk.. daughter-law came over to give me ride to grocery store...I'm standing there, in so much pain...I'm freakin out..telling her I'm sorry.. really just can't do this... please forgive me... I know she don't understand.. she tells me I should pray and have God heal me of my health problems...then everyone is jumping my big fat ass about loosin weight... (##%&**&%$#$$fiddlestiksgoshamodangitchit*&##@$)
I know I need to loose weight.. bee struggling for 6 years... eat a third less than I use to... don't know why I should even try to explain I'm tryin really I is... then I remember my Mom.. I was always counseling her about her weight.. wish Icould sit and chat with her now.. Mom suffered pretty much the same stuff I do...Fibro, multi-disabilites, chronic pain. PTSD. but because I was only 40 something, everyone told me I wasn't disable... just a lazy mooch living off the government...
My son he, lives with me everyday.. all his life... he don't understand... to him.. it was gee dad you already in the car... my mental of physical well being was not the issue...heck I even doubt myself...
This winter has been tuffer than most... Last winter was tuff too... my ptsd kicked in last feb.. couldn't get the past outta my head.. then this year pow.. same O same O...keep hearing my grandmother cuss me...tellin me I'd grow up to be a worthless lazy drunking dragg ass bumm... wanna guess how I feel... alone.. worthless.. nope she wrong I'm not a drunken bumm... just a broke down old fart no one really understands... or wants to put the effort into... sad when no one ya love puts any effort into understanding your health problems...or understand your needs...
all this venting is good for the ME..hahaha... helps me come to terms with reality..where I am and where I wanna go...Folks are right.. I gotta shake off about 200 pounds... looks like I'm in for a battle of my will... will I win or will I give in.. see..it's always easier said than done.. I give up a lot cause I'm a lone... not lonely.. heaven knows my son keeps me on my toes with his learning disability..which my other children refuse to except his problems as a disability...well at least my son is making efforts to progress...it's slow.. mind twistin at times.. but he's really trying to over come , or find ways around his audio dyslexia.. attention disorder..
It's just a lot different than I had hoped it would be growing older...no one to sit in the rocking chairs with and watch the sun sets...cuddle... hold hands.. I was really looking forward to raising the kids.. and enjoying my final years with the Love of my life...hehehe...right... now those hopes are gone...mostly finding another love is some what fleeting .... I don't have enough income for Love... or so I've been told.. reminds me of something I read.. bout lovers of money instead of lovers of Righteousness...
Whole world seems so strange... headed for destruction...trying to live in such uncertain times... really drains me sometimes...Cause I feel for all those folks..dodging bullets...starving ..hungry and cold... as I look around the world on the News.. I feel so Blessed....I feel Shame... for the human race... and I pray..for Us...
So I'm gonna keep hanging in here.. one day at a time... try to enjoy the ride round that curve in the road...might be longer than it looks.. hope it's not too bumpy..
best wishes and many blessing..
nappy time...
Kids taking guns to schools.. folks killin folks in the name of God..
Lack of Jobs...Lack of Control..Lack of Leadership in Washington..
My life pesonally, is pretty much over...can see the end of a long rough road just round the bend. Kids don't much like to hear me tell em that.. They all in thier 30's, on just turned 20.
All this mumbo jumbo chit going on in our lives, that seem to cause more problems than they cure. Doctors these days don't want to cure... they want to treat, and treat some more. Here's a pill for ya bloodpressure. Oh dang now you need a pill for water Retention. Your cholestrol is too high, we got a pill for that too. This here pill is cause the side effect of them other pills.
If the muscle pain and weakness from the side effects of the pill ya take make you depressed, hey not to worry here's an anti-depresant.. relax with these muscle relaxers...
Oh did your insurance company just dropp you cause you outta Job...! Oops.. tuff chit.. them pills gonna cost ya now...
Oh your on SSI, you are covered by Medicaid, well kinda... lets see.. yeah we gotta pill for that... if your medical provider will pay for it.. oh strips for you blood tester... sorry not covered... but hey they only 35 dollars a box...
Oh yeah you over weight, you need to exercise. You need to do this and that, and well no that aint covered by your health providers...you should try the county Human Resourses...
I don't know how to feel any more... no cost of living increase cause Mr. Obama froze them paycheck for folks on the Hill.. so folks on Social Security,and SSI... aint had a cost of living increase since he put that into effect... Each year food cost more, gas cost more, rent and utilities cost more, but they tell me there hasn't been in Inflation last year so .... no increase in my SSI...
My old 1990 plymouth van, has developed some kind of electrical problems.. plus the exhaust has rusted off...windows wont roll up or down...it's been a faithful old thing, for many years...but it is now time to retire it... hey it's got good tires... but that dang computer chip... it's insane...so jeesh...
I had my son call up my other son.. hey... dad needs some help..oh you gonna give him a ride... how ya gonna stuff his 400 plus pound ass in ya little dodge shadow.????? Okay so I tried... ya don't look a gift horse in the mouth right..?
I managed to get in the car... but I couldn't shut the door..seat belt? .. forget that...oh man... how low can ya go... head was pressed against the ceiling.. knees jammed against the dash...back screamin bloody murder... PANIC ATTACK... man aint had one those in years...[brain on overload... LET ME OUTTA HERE]..
couldn't get outta that little car fast enough... man I feel like such a jerk.. daughter-law came over to give me ride to grocery store...I'm standing there, in so much pain...I'm freakin out..telling her I'm sorry.. really just can't do this... please forgive me... I know she don't understand.. she tells me I should pray and have God heal me of my health problems...then everyone is jumping my big fat ass about loosin weight... (##%&**&%$#$$fiddlestiksgoshamodangitchit*&##@$)
I know I need to loose weight.. bee struggling for 6 years... eat a third less than I use to... don't know why I should even try to explain I'm tryin really I is... then I remember my Mom.. I was always counseling her about her weight.. wish Icould sit and chat with her now.. Mom suffered pretty much the same stuff I do...Fibro, multi-disabilites, chronic pain. PTSD. but because I was only 40 something, everyone told me I wasn't disable... just a lazy mooch living off the government...
My son he, lives with me everyday.. all his life... he don't understand... to him.. it was gee dad you already in the car... my mental of physical well being was not the issue...heck I even doubt myself...
This winter has been tuffer than most... Last winter was tuff too... my ptsd kicked in last feb.. couldn't get the past outta my head.. then this year pow.. same O same O...keep hearing my grandmother cuss me...tellin me I'd grow up to be a worthless lazy drunking dragg ass bumm... wanna guess how I feel... alone.. worthless.. nope she wrong I'm not a drunken bumm... just a broke down old fart no one really understands... or wants to put the effort into... sad when no one ya love puts any effort into understanding your health problems...or understand your needs...
all this venting is good for the ME..hahaha... helps me come to terms with reality..where I am and where I wanna go...Folks are right.. I gotta shake off about 200 pounds... looks like I'm in for a battle of my will... will I win or will I give in.. see..it's always easier said than done.. I give up a lot cause I'm a lone... not lonely.. heaven knows my son keeps me on my toes with his learning disability..which my other children refuse to except his problems as a disability...well at least my son is making efforts to progress...it's slow.. mind twistin at times.. but he's really trying to over come , or find ways around his audio dyslexia.. attention disorder..
It's just a lot different than I had hoped it would be growing older...no one to sit in the rocking chairs with and watch the sun sets...cuddle... hold hands.. I was really looking forward to raising the kids.. and enjoying my final years with the Love of my life...hehehe...right... now those hopes are gone...mostly finding another love is some what fleeting .... I don't have enough income for Love... or so I've been told.. reminds me of something I read.. bout lovers of money instead of lovers of Righteousness...
Whole world seems so strange... headed for destruction...trying to live in such uncertain times... really drains me sometimes...Cause I feel for all those folks..dodging bullets...starving ..hungry and cold... as I look around the world on the News.. I feel so Blessed....I feel Shame... for the human race... and I pray..for Us...
So I'm gonna keep hanging in here.. one day at a time... try to enjoy the ride round that curve in the road...might be longer than it looks.. hope it's not too bumpy..
best wishes and many blessing..
nappy time...
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