Facebook Fury
So, I admit that this is MY problem & I have to find a way to get over it. But there is something about people posting pregnancy updates on social media that drives me CRAZY!!!
I know this is directly correlated to all my fertility struggles, and I have a hunch you'd be hard-pressed to find other ladies who've faced the heartache of IF who "come out" publicly on Facebook or other similar sites. I think us IF gals are much more private when we may be lucky enough to be blessed with a pregnancy. And I have to say, I like our class & good taste in this regard! Every time I see a gimmicky pregnancy announcement (usually involving a chalkboard with a due date written on it & often themed to correspond with the current season/holiday/etc.), it just makes my heart hurt. It brings me right back to the days of HSGs and salpingectomies and laparoscopies and IVF and I don't understand why some people get so easily what others must work for through blood, sweat, and tears (and lots and lots of money)! I'm always thankful beyond words that IVF proved successful for me, though I have trouble celebrating for those who got pregnant a month after their wedding or admit that their birth control didn't work. "Hahaha! Oops!" they say, carelessly and casually. Damn, those words hurt.
I totally respect their joy and wish I could get behind the public aspect of pregnancy announcements, but I, for one, find this to be a very private experience (especially in the first and early portion of the second trimesters). You can rest assured that you'll never see a FB post from me. Instead, I'll cuddle up on the couch with my hubby and dogs, and we'll talk about the wonders of our most recent ultrasound or about the plans to convert our office into a nursery at long last...
I wonder how the rest of you feel about these kinds of "broadcasts." Thoughts?
I know this is directly correlated to all my fertility struggles, and I have a hunch you'd be hard-pressed to find other ladies who've faced the heartache of IF who "come out" publicly on Facebook or other similar sites. I think us IF gals are much more private when we may be lucky enough to be blessed with a pregnancy. And I have to say, I like our class & good taste in this regard! Every time I see a gimmicky pregnancy announcement (usually involving a chalkboard with a due date written on it & often themed to correspond with the current season/holiday/etc.), it just makes my heart hurt. It brings me right back to the days of HSGs and salpingectomies and laparoscopies and IVF and I don't understand why some people get so easily what others must work for through blood, sweat, and tears (and lots and lots of money)! I'm always thankful beyond words that IVF proved successful for me, though I have trouble celebrating for those who got pregnant a month after their wedding or admit that their birth control didn't work. "Hahaha! Oops!" they say, carelessly and casually. Damn, those words hurt.
I totally respect their joy and wish I could get behind the public aspect of pregnancy announcements, but I, for one, find this to be a very private experience (especially in the first and early portion of the second trimesters). You can rest assured that you'll never see a FB post from me. Instead, I'll cuddle up on the couch with my hubby and dogs, and we'll talk about the wonders of our most recent ultrasound or about the plans to convert our office into a nursery at long last...
I wonder how the rest of you feel about these kinds of "broadcasts." Thoughts?
Replies
I agree 100%. I may be pregnant, but I\'m still infertile and that shit hurts me right down to my soul. The ones that really kill me are the ones who update every day, usually complaining about how hard it is to be pregnant. I have savored every headache, every dizzy spell, every bout of nausea. I might not have enjoyed it but it made my heart happy knowing what it meant.
I totally understand what you are saying and I feel the same way. And I know I only feel this way because it hits close to home and it is a personal issue for me. At the same time this be said about people who post lots of vacation and holidays pics. I have some friends who have family who pay for their vacations and it drives me nuts see all those pictures of them relaxing on the beach. They act like everyone can just buzz off to Mexico whenever they want. NO, No, no DH and I save for every vacation we have ever taken and I dont go bragging about our trips all of FB because it is not that easy for everyone to save for a holiday. I also feel like this about people posting pics of their new homes or new cars. As if everyone can just run out and buy a big fancy house or a shiny new car. I work with a woman who gets a new car every couple year. It drives me nuts. I see the pics all over FB and she is just bragging and acts as if it is no big deal and everyone should just get news cars every 24 or 36 months. MY GOD my car is 13 years old. I guess what I am saying I feel this way about a lot of FB things. But that is why social media is so popular it give us all a place to show off, update people on our accomplishments, post pictures of our fun and exciting lives, share articles about how to make our lives more perfect ect. And I really believe most of it is bull shit. Everyone struggles, we all have hardships and no one has the perfect life.
I agree and I have to admit that before we knew we were struggling with IF, I would think of ways to make my announcement that obviously never came. It has really changed how I view social media in general. But I have such a huge extended family that are all over the country, its really our only way of staying in constant contact. So right now I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love seeing my family\'s good news and pictures but it still hurts. It also helps that I have 3 cousins who have all gone through IF and all have kids now, they get it and they are a great support.
I am on the fence with this one... We did announce our successful IVF on FB about halfway into the pregnancy (that\'s how long it took to sink in that it was really happening) We didn\'t do a big splash with pictures or anything, it was just a status update making the announcement and publicly thanking God for such a blessing. Social media is designed to share parts of your life with others, especially friends and family that live so far away. (we move every 18 months to 2 years) What I was sensitive to was updating every.single.day. and I did NOT complain (that just ticks me off) I was very aware of doing my utmost best to no be one of those pregnant divas (those ones are the worst!) I don\'t think I even posted a bump pic or anything. I think I am more sensitive with social media when it comes to Mother\'s Day & Father\'s day. People say the most insensitive things and it doesn\'t just hurt couples struggling with infertility, it also hurts people that maybe lost a parent themselves. So I am VERY aware on those holidays and keep things neutral. I also agree with what has already been said, no one likes a braggy person, no one list an OVER posting happy person, and sometimes sharing on FB is the only connection one has with those long distance relationships. The people that get effortlessly knocked up and put their stuff up on FB bothers me too though and I completely understand where you are coming from. I usually hide those people. I recently hid a friend that is currently pregnant with her SEVENTH child. The last three kids were oop\'s. REALLY!?!? I really struggled on a personal level with that particular FB announcement.