faith
It doesn't seem like it should be so hard. I feel weak physically, mentally, spiritually, intellectually, socially, and everything!
I feel like I've lost time this past week or more. I've been trying to function but I feel like my heart isn't living inside of me. I hear myself laugh and wonder where the sound is coming from.
I've been having conversations with God that are very pointed. Who am I to challenge God?
I've been trying to figure out how to put chapters from my book on my blog but I keep hitting dead ends. Haven't had the energy to pursue the answers.
I would love for people with CFS to read parts of my manuscript to see if it resonates with their life stories. If my writing doesn't touch the hearts of the people I'm writing it for then what's the point? The writing helped me to a certain point but now I have more questions than before. What is the point of having it sit on a shelf month after month, year after year?
The sky is gray AGAIN today. I try to not look into the future. The future makes me sad because the past 11 years have brought so much sorrow in terms of dashed hopes. We are resilient in a crazy, bizarre, fascinating sort of way. How do we do it?
I just read some posts and comments on this site and there were words that brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to respond but I had no answers. I try to convince myself that encouragement must take the place of the unknown that we experience. I have the compassion but not the passion to respond today.
If you are a friend here and I have not responded to your messages or journal entries it's because I feel rather lost. I'm not in the mood for sympathy either. I'm in one of those phases where I don't want words, I want change. Words can sometimes change how we feel but we have to feel them and my heart is too heavy today.
carry on.
Dare I hit the button to save this journal entry?
I feel like I've lost time this past week or more. I've been trying to function but I feel like my heart isn't living inside of me. I hear myself laugh and wonder where the sound is coming from.
I've been having conversations with God that are very pointed. Who am I to challenge God?
I've been trying to figure out how to put chapters from my book on my blog but I keep hitting dead ends. Haven't had the energy to pursue the answers.
I would love for people with CFS to read parts of my manuscript to see if it resonates with their life stories. If my writing doesn't touch the hearts of the people I'm writing it for then what's the point? The writing helped me to a certain point but now I have more questions than before. What is the point of having it sit on a shelf month after month, year after year?
The sky is gray AGAIN today. I try to not look into the future. The future makes me sad because the past 11 years have brought so much sorrow in terms of dashed hopes. We are resilient in a crazy, bizarre, fascinating sort of way. How do we do it?
I just read some posts and comments on this site and there were words that brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to respond but I had no answers. I try to convince myself that encouragement must take the place of the unknown that we experience. I have the compassion but not the passion to respond today.
If you are a friend here and I have not responded to your messages or journal entries it's because I feel rather lost. I'm not in the mood for sympathy either. I'm in one of those phases where I don't want words, I want change. Words can sometimes change how we feel but we have to feel them and my heart is too heavy today.
carry on.
Dare I hit the button to save this journal entry?
Replies