F. M. L.

so i was talking to my parents last night and they told me that PHP is too expenssive so tomorrow is my last day.....i'm not ready to leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i told one of the people in the program-a counselor-and she told the head of the program and they told me to go to registration to see if we could get a payment plan and stuff.....called my mom and she said no...that we still can't afford it....and my mom also said that she doesn't think that i need it.....which i totally disagree with...after i talked to my mom i went a asked to talk to a counselor and when we went into a room i burst into tears....had suicidal thoughts, thoughts of cutting and urges to restrict, which i've done so far...i restricted today in program....part of lunch and afternoon snack.....i dunno....i feel kinda numb and ususally this makes me feel bad, but i kinda feel okay with it....i dunno.....I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!