Extremely Anxious. IDK what to do.
I'm struggling in a major way. I haven't been on this site in some time and I didn't know IF I should be back or not. My life is falling apart all at once and I'm scared. I only get a few hours of sleep a night. I'm good at putting things in the back of my mind and forgetting until I need to rehash them. Right now going through a divorce, my house has been for sale and I have been off/on looking for a place to live for me and my two kids. I currently no noone here, and I have lived here for a few years. I have no family to help out, work full time, often late, lately, and am a mess. Today a dear friend, I met on DS succumbed to breast cancer. My supervisor doesn't care for me and makes it difficult enough for me where I can't stand work....I work in a very small research dept. Still going thru divorce stuff and today on top I get a phone call that a buyer may be interested in the house. I'm overwhelmed....I don't want to move but know I have to. NOthing is packed, I have no place to go and I'm not sure what I can afford for my two boys. My youngest was kicked out of daycare so my energies have been trying to deal with him and his anger issues...he's 4. I have so much on my plate and I just can't deal with it. I'm paralyzed with fear about finding a place, moving, the boys leaving their home and dealing with their issues and saddness. I know it sounds trivial to some, as compared to what others deal with but I can't be homeless, yet I don't know what to do...where to turn, etc. I'm ready to take the proverbial bridge. If someone could please give me some insight or tell me how to go about this, please. I have never felt so depressed and anxiety ridden in my life, not to mention my boys are gone on a trip with their dad and I have not been away from them this long...ever. (sidenote--he still lives here too and he needs a place but all the rest will fall on me like it normally does...he can always go stay with his girlfirend until he can locate something...I have no place to go).
I added this out there for advice, but I know that I had to journal it bc others might think I should just do that. I'm not sure what I'm expecting, here, but I am playing the reels in my head over and over....just overwhelmed, and no I can't take time off....I need to work and have no time to take.
I added this out there for advice, but I know that I had to journal it bc others might think I should just do that. I'm not sure what I'm expecting, here, but I am playing the reels in my head over and over....just overwhelmed, and no I can't take time off....I need to work and have no time to take.
Replies
llmt, Big hugs to you and Im sending prayers. I was at you desperation point a few months back, but I got through that time.YOU WILL TOO. Do try to take a few minutes to go for a walk (Take the boys) just get out side breathe deep and go around the block. Look on Craigs list for Room Mates wanted or houses to share. Your stuff might have to be in storage for a bit, but a temporay housing situation might be what you need for time to think. Maybe consider going back to where you do have family and a support group that can help with the boys and/or all else. Just know we are here, talk to us. Im sure someone here will have an idea to spark you on the right path.
I\'m not sure if getting a room/house mate would be a good idea since you have two children. I\'m assuming once the house sells you won\'t be getting any cash in order to put a deposit down for a rental or apartment.???????
Have you looking into any kind of financial assistance? Food stamps and help with rent? Many people look down on that, but I for one as a tax payer have no problem with people who need it using it until they get back onto their feet. There is no shame at getting a hand up. You are a hard worker and that says a lot.
I\'m sorry to hear about Nova and that it is weighing so heavily on you. You are in my thoughts and pryers. (((HUGS))))
llmt, I\'m so sorry this is such a bad time for you. The calm (after the storm) is in sight now! Once you get through this, it will be better. Just start packing one thing at a time. Craig\'s list is where I found my house after the separation and divorce. Start looking everyday and packing a little everyday and the mountain will not seem so big. You ask how we all got through it and I know for many of us, our faith and our Churches got us through. My Church came and moved me in 4 hours one evening. They even stocked my pantry and left a crockpot full of soup and homemade bread. If you are not a member of any Church, I would encourage you to consider it. It will be helpful for your children also. My boys would not have made it through it without that family.
Prayers and big hugs for you!!!!!
Diane
I just want to thank you for the support on this. I hate being paralyzed with fear, anticipation, being thrown to the wolves or whatever you call it. The lack of sleep isn\'t helping. I wish I could take time for myself but single parents can\'t do that or at least I can\'t. I wish I had help but I don\'t. Not enough from their dad.
Part of me wanted to check myself into the hospital yesterday and today bc the anxiety is so bad. I just fight thru it. Your support means the eorld and it helps to know I\'m not alone.
(((HUGS))))
Hey there sweetheart. I am so sorry that you are going through all this turmoil right now. Divorce and eveything that goes with it is truly a miserable and anxious time to get through. I have yet to reach this point in my journey, but it is coming up soon. I have family and friends who have been through it. I am praying for you and your boys every day. Try to hang in there and be strong. You are doing a magnificent job by the way. Also, drtexdi brought up a very important thing. Get connected to a church with a strong group of believers that can support you through everything. Turning to the Lord and His people is always the best way to go without question. Again, I am praying for you and I\'m here for you. Love Always, Chris
(((((llmt))))) Sorry I am just now seeing this journal, sweetie. I know how rough this has been for you and you have been there for me so many times. I wish I could offer more than just hugs. It is a shame and absolute BS that their dad does not help out more. His behavior obviously put you all in this spot and while selling your house is obviously a must, it still brings you to a cross roads. I wasn\'t aware your younger boy had been kicked out of day care. That really is difficult and puts you in a spot. I am still dealing with my youngest one and her issues.
For now all I can say is just sit down, write out everything you need/have to take care of, go through your list one by one and see what you need to do first (prioritize) and go through the list as you need to. Ask your ex to step up and help with the boys more. All he can do is say no, right?
Wishing you the best and feel free to PM me here or on FB, okay? Giant hugs and all the best for you!!
llmt, Your so strong and I cannot imagine what all you are having to deal with. I know words are of little comfort, you need action, you need help with this. I am so sorry your having to go through this. :( I will pray tonight for you and those very handsome boys of yours that it all works out for the very best for you three. Love and light to you...