Extreme Child Abuse

deleted_user 05/12/2011
Yes richie I am aware of female circumcision and infibulation. I read a book over 10-15 years ago now called \"Aman\" about a Somalian woman who decribed the culture and practice. Many of the younf girls die of infection, particularly from infibulation (cutting and removing the labia) , and the \"cutters\" are often laymen using nonsterile pieces of glass, often blunt, while the girls are held down bu their Aunts. Horrific. The later complications are very sad. When they are sewn back up after infibulation they are sewn deliberately too small so there is no chance for them to \"fool around\" re marriage without being found out, and so that on the wedding night the sheet can proudly be displayed with her blood from her tearing to his family straight after she has lost her virginity. I felt so violated for the woman reading her story. Most of them never enjoy sex it is painful and it\'s well known the clitoris has the most nerve endings in it, so they lose sensory pleasure and sex is never a pleasurable act to them in their lifetime.
I also read a book about fistulas, something I never knew about until a few years ago. It\'s likelihood can be increased from female circumcision and infibulation. Fistulas can occur in any women (that is even in the western world) , but the difference being in Africa, they go untreated, and the woman is ostracised and forced to live in her own stench in a hut for decades and her remaining years. When a fistula occurs there is a hole made or the wall between the bowel and the vagina collapses following childbirth, so the woman constantly leaks urine uncontrollably, or faeces through her vagina.
They are totally ashamed and made to feel ashamed but there has been a Dr (who I just don\'t have the book handy because of the move but it\'s called Down By the River or something like that) who set up a cinic in a very isolated part of Afric and then built a hospital and has successfully started treating these poor women who have lived (like lepers) for years and decades.
It was a heartwarming book to read. And it was truly beautiful to see the look of joy and increased self-esteem and self-wroth on the faces of the these women as they finished their post-op rehab and were making their way back home to their small villages new women.
There are some good, kind, amazing human beings in this world too. We need to remember them too.
Blessings and love Richie,
Jodixo.

deleted_user 05/12/2011
I\'m so sorry you suffered child abuse as a kid Richie. I think you are 100% right in the first step in preventing child abuse is awareness (which is why I wrote so much is your journal, sorry if it was a little too much). One of things I used to do in my job, with kids and also training their parents, and I\'ve always done with my daughter is teach awareness (what\'s appropriate and nonappropriate touching/questions etc) and protective behaviour. My Dad used to role play with me and help me out with my daughter when she was little and it was scary how easy it was to \"trick\" a child even though you\'d just prepped them through role playing. I don\'t know if she\'d get tricked because she\'d think it\'d just Papa....but yeh, kids are innocent and as parents/adults it\'s our job to protect and equip them with the skills to protect themselves to the best of their and our ability. Create the awareness in them without creating anxiety in them. I used to see 2 extremes, parents who were clueless and not protecting their kids at all, or parents who were overly anxious and controlling and transferring that anxiety onto the child. Got to go in between. Skill them up, supervise them, and at some point let go a bit and know they\'ll be ok too if it\'s all done in a responsible way.

KandL 05/12/2011
Thank you, Richie. I have heard of this and I agree. As painful as these things are to hear the suffering of children is far more painful. I am sorry for what you had to endure as a child and much of my job is working to strengthen families and give them the skills they need to be parents and to discipline kindly and with respect for their child. And globally, alternatives and education to abolish these practices need to be a priority. I also read the book about the doctor that works with women to repair their fistulas and restore their dignity. Awarenss is where it begins. Peace, Linda

RichieD 05/13/2011
I\'m not new to this issue, I\'ve been promoting awareness of it for a long time. This is the first time I\'ve seen the issue front and center in a major media outlet, however. I think Mr. Kristof deserves credit for writing about it so frankly, and the Times deserves credit for printing his column.

I think it\'s time to drop the euphemisms and call it genital mutilation in all circumstances. If it offends people, so much the better. This is a filthy custom that needs to be eradicated. If people don\'t want to talk about it, they should make the transition from childhood to adulthood that they\'ve been putting off far too long. This needs to be talked about, loudly. Jodia, no amount of discussion is too much on this subject in my opinion.

I\'m really moved by the positive response, it confirms my impression that my DS friends are my kind of people. For those who say we must tread lightly because this is a culture we don\'t understand, I say if this really is part of a culture, the culture needs to be eradicated along with the mutilation.

Responsible people all over the world need to unite against the abuse of children and show no respect for religion, national borders, or so-called cultural traditions in doing so. Systematic abuse of children must stop.

deleted_user 05/13/2011
good for you, Richie.....you know from personal experience about child abuse......and good for you for airing this, am so glad things are becoming more open these days...oh thank goodness. But I am so very sorry that you suffered abuse and do hope very much that you have recovered, at least to a good extent? if not wholly, as this sort of thing can probably never be wholly recovered from. I suffered from mental abuse from my father, but I dont think it is the same as physical,but even so, I would want no child to go through even what I went through. I think I almost repeated this recently and thank you so much for your continued support Richie...xxxxxxx

kjfe 05/13/2011
I didn\'t go to the link but understood what it much be about from the comments. I didn\'t want to read it because it makes me very sad and triggers pain deep in my soul. I read a book many years ago about female circumcision and the author had to be careful because her life was at risk for having written about it.
I also saw a documentary where the filmmakers showed the older women who carry on this tradition admitting that they wouldn\'t do it if there was another way for them to make money. Even though they also suffered from it. They create a culture where men won\'t marry women who haven\'t had it done and make it religious and a sign of purity, etc. all for money?!
Tragic.