extracting the poison

A very wise woman in here suggested that I reflect on how this exercise is making me feel so I'm going to. I feel pretty anxious this morning, once I opened the flood gates I can't seem to stop the flow of this shit. Little snippets of memories keep coming to the front all of a sudden, being to be let out into the light. It's s little overwhelming, apparently after so many years, there's been a lot that I've stuffed deep. I'm concerned, well that's not even the word, I'm scared really because this stuff is stirring up a tidal wave, and because I still can't figure out how I excused it for so long....or at all. I am physically ill, migraine and upset stomach. I am exhausted. I was angry with Anne, the counselor, for suggesting this exercise, but I think I finally get why it was necessary. I was so matter of fact when I would tell her something, I honestly didn't connect or feel much at all. This ifs forcing me to really SEE, which makes it kind of hard to ignore out anymore.  on the other hand there is some relief. It's like writing these things is draining a poison that had been slowly eating away at me from the inside.  So I'll keep writing, and I'll keep planning, and once a week I'll try to re-read what I've written. I am going to seek out an actual psychiatrist at this point because I cannot begin to imagine, with the way feel now how I am going to put one for in front of the other, be whole, be well, and be good for my kids.