Expressing Anger
I'm looking for feedback. If I write a journal that expresses very intense and dark rage, would anyone be uncomfortable or do thy feel they have to maintain some distance to such negativity, to survive this life with cfs?
What about mentioning suicide? Is there a DS screener for this, where they alert and block? Some sites do. Many people have times when they feel they cannot continue on, so fleetingly think of suicide. Health professionals are trained to notice if the person says they "have a plan" . However, going to the hospital mental health group over the last year, has taught me that many have a plan, but have never acted on it. That's ok. They encourage the client to not feel guilty.
i am a very intense and passionate. Person. Always felt positive emotions like I'm going to burst and always have meltdowns when very. Upset or hurt.
i am having a lot of rage coming out, now at 56 ,and realizing (seems like for the first time) all that I've lost, been through, etc.. The actual pain and grief are all hitting me at once, so I would like to vent my rage on my journal. I'm usually much better by the end of the day.
when I'm really irritated, I even loathe all the support I'm going to get from DS. I find this confusing- a precious group of people I have learned to love. It's like the rage and irritation paints everything in a dark and scary hue.
many of us have had advice given to us for many years. I have always been wary of fix it type. People. I feel they aren't really listening to the pain and just remaining with me in the emotions. However, I do recognize the "rescue" tendency even I have.
can I vent with no advice feedback? And what about swear words. ?I need to use them because my rage is so intense. I think people do -- f**ck, or something ,right? I need some powerful anger words that don't insult people. Ie. holy shit, bullshit, for the love of Jesus,Mary and Joseph, In this case I'm asking for feedback.
thx in advance to all my wonderful DS friends!
What about mentioning suicide? Is there a DS screener for this, where they alert and block? Some sites do. Many people have times when they feel they cannot continue on, so fleetingly think of suicide. Health professionals are trained to notice if the person says they "have a plan" . However, going to the hospital mental health group over the last year, has taught me that many have a plan, but have never acted on it. That's ok. They encourage the client to not feel guilty.
i am a very intense and passionate. Person. Always felt positive emotions like I'm going to burst and always have meltdowns when very. Upset or hurt.
i am having a lot of rage coming out, now at 56 ,and realizing (seems like for the first time) all that I've lost, been through, etc.. The actual pain and grief are all hitting me at once, so I would like to vent my rage on my journal. I'm usually much better by the end of the day.
when I'm really irritated, I even loathe all the support I'm going to get from DS. I find this confusing- a precious group of people I have learned to love. It's like the rage and irritation paints everything in a dark and scary hue.
many of us have had advice given to us for many years. I have always been wary of fix it type. People. I feel they aren't really listening to the pain and just remaining with me in the emotions. However, I do recognize the "rescue" tendency even I have.
can I vent with no advice feedback? And what about swear words. ?I need to use them because my rage is so intense. I think people do -- f**ck, or something ,right? I need some powerful anger words that don't insult people. Ie. holy shit, bullshit, for the love of Jesus,Mary and Joseph, In this case I'm asking for feedback.
thx in advance to all my wonderful DS friends!
Replies
Okay, honestly......I think you\'d be suprised how many of us may have some of those same deep dark thoughts and intense rage. I for one have also been struggling quite badly these last 2 months and have avoided coming on the site so as to not share my negativity. But I think now that\'ve you\'ve been brave enough to broach the subject, I\'d like to tell you to please feel free to share with me those thoughts you feel may be \"over the line\". I\'m a big girl, I don\'t flinch at foul language, I think we have every reason to use it as there are times mere words cannot convey the depth of our pain and despair. I have thoughts on the \"suicide plan\" also that I will gladly share with you if you are interested. I don\'t think the DS editors can monitor our private messages to each other, just those that are posted for everyone to see. If a member receives messages they feel are inappropriate they can issue a complaint and then DS deals witht the offender. I can assure you your slip into unladylike conduct will not shock or offend me. I\'d really like to be there for you.....REALLY. REALLY REALLY REALLY.......and did I say REALLY? I\'m here for you girl. Genie
I\'m with Genie...vent away! I personally, am not easily offended. And I think its very brave that you are willing to face your anger! Some people go their entire lives and never do. What\'s that saying about an \"unexamined life\"?. And I would definitely respect your wishes for no feedback. You can always make it private after you\'ve written it too. Sometimes just getting it out is all I need. Feels like a purging of sorts whether or not anyone else even reads it. And like Genie said, I all of us have dark thoughts. In my opinion, the ones that can admit it are way ahead of the game!
\"I have learned things in the dark I could have never learned in the dark\" - Barbara B Taylor
Yep I can handle it.Let it rip girl.It couldn\'t be as bad as what we go through with this stinking disease.Nothing could make me feel worse . I\'m here in bed and so sick at the moment that I am having a hate session with myself . I\'m up to my bloody neck with feeling sick.Feel free to throw in a few extra expressive words for me while you\'re at it.I keep praying but I don\'t know if anyone can hear me.So sorry for you pouty.I understand your frustration.I think your rage as you call it is hurt and frustration.It really is such a difficult battle.No quality of life without energy.Sorry I\'m in a negative headspace right now.Hopefully I will see the light again soon.I am covered by the illusory energy and thinking I am this sick body instead of an eternal soul full of bliss.I want the bliss but I feel like piss.Just thought I\'d get you started.xo
Oops meant fo say I want the bliss but I feel like this.
I finally had a chance to read your responses. Thank you so much to all of you for your incredible support! Because I have visited an excellent peer run mental health group, on and off for a year, I realize now that people diagnosed with (things like anxiety disorder, clinical depression, bi- polar illness [there\'s about 5 levels!], schizophrenia ,PTSD,etc..) feel that their \"mental illness\" is more challenging than any physical condition. I know this is not true for me. My CFS absolutely comes before developing my mental illness.
Therefore, I feel now that, in a way, maybe it don\'t have it \"as bad\" as someone who becomes totally non- functioning due to the mind and emotions.
Physical survival takes ALL my energy and I have learned a lot about how to handle it, as crazy and as unpredictable it is. Many people with a primary mental health diagnosis suffer in ways that, maybe I don\'t : ie. can\'t break weeks or months long isolation, lose touch with reality, have severe social anxiety, regularly get drunk or overdose, etc..
I\'m just REALLY ,REALLY FREAKIN MAD THAT THIS STUPID ILLNESS MAKES ME SO WEAK , and confused every day!! I think of it as anger or rage, but a good friend pointed out to me, it\'s just intense frustration! Her comment helped me, because I think I often have an anger or homicidal problem, but maybe it\'s just very over the top FRUSTRATION !!
I hope all of you are finding some light in your week and you will ALL be hearing from me! I am so encouraged by your caring to let me be myself . LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!
I\'m very frustrated having CFS probably for decades, finally having been diagnosed last September 2014 and having a doctor attempt to treat me (who now just prescribed estrogen and progesterone for CFS but they might give me breast cancer again ~ NO THANKS!) but seeing very little improvement ~ if anything I\'m getting sicker. So Pouty if you want to vent and use whatever language helps you to express your frustration at having this illness, you\'ll probably be saying things that I\'d like to say too!
Only thing is that a few weeks back when I was very angry and was verbally expressing myself to a friend ~ I got sicker because the anger crashed my adrenals. So now I\'m trying not to be so angry ~ but the frustration at not having effective medical help who knows what to do is very distressing (as I know you\'ve experienced too).
I have a friend who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Even though she\'s very upset and sad about her health condition, I told her that I think she\'s lucky to have such a well-defined illness that can be confirmed with blood tests and the doctors know how to treat it ~ unlike us. I also have a mental health condition (major depression since age 10, bipolar condition since age 19 ~ I\'m 59 now). What that meant was for decades when I said I was exhausted and fatigued, I was given anti-depressants because the assumption was depression was causing my fatigue ~ which in reality in my case is a physical issue not psychological. I totally agree with you though ~ the CFS dominates my life as I can\'t go out in the world and function ~ whereas with depression I could get up and go out in the world an do things. Maybe I was putting on a happy face, but as least I was out not like now when I\'m totally isolated at home sick all the time.
So go for it and express whatever you want to express in your journal Pouty! If it bothers us too much we don\'t have to read it ~ but at least you had a place to vent your feelings. I haven\'t written a journal entry yet as I just joined DS a month ago ~ maybe that\'s something I\'ll do sometime too.
I\'m so glad I read this today, Pouty! It\'s been a while. My own life is a tad topsy turvey right now and I haven\'t been able to get on here much, other than to update about my husband.
I think that all of us feel this rage and \"darkness\" you are talking about. Especially in my own life, where this illness has taken from me the ability to be a sufficient caretaker for my husband with cancer! I\'M TOO SICK TO BE A CARETAKER, I CAN HARDLY WALK! However......I\'m not afraid to vent out these feelings on DS. I don\'t think they monitor things that we write in journals unless someone is threghtening someone else or causing harm and gets reported to DS higher ups. Language, be it foul, or slightly foul...doesn\'t bother anybobdy! If the \"F\" word is going to help you get out some rage and frustration, then USE IT! We don\'t care. We all feel these same feelings, Pouty! You are not alone!!
This hideous disease takes SO much from us that I do think it takes a couple of years of being sick with it before we realize how much we have lost.
I do believe that you will be ok. You are not being negative. You are being honest. You will be ok. We are HERE for you.
So vent away !! xo