Expolring new things
I am trying to expolre new things. I am trying to find my purpose. I decided to start making daily journals here on DS. Okay okay..... I am going to TRY to make them daily. We will see.
I guess I should give you a run down of who I am. My name is Summer. I am 15 yrs old. I have a huge passion for music. I am a middle child, and let me tell you thats hard. I want to be a pshycology major when I make it to college. Random fact about me. I know how to rap every single word of every single NF song known to mankind, and I am proud of it!
Two summers ago is when I started feeling very depressed. A "friend" of mine told me that I was "Better off dead" and that I should "go jump out of a window and die in a hole because I didnt have a purpose and no one would even noticed if I was gone" I have gotta be honest. That hurt...... A lot. So I went over to an open window at a two story house, and I just stood there. I didnt understand why no one liked me. Why would my friend say this to me.
I dont really know what else to write about so I am just going to end here. its kinda a weird way to end a journal. I Know. I hope to hear from you guys. If you have any questions for me or you want me to write about something specific, send me a message orcomment below.
Thanks guys! I hope you all have an awesome day! :)
Replies
I consider music to be my first language. Literally. I had a speech defect which held me mostly mute until pre-adolesence. Music therapy, where I was taught to sing what I needed to say, then to regulate my tones to sound like regular speech. Somewhere in the late 80's I found myself wondering if that technique could also qualify as Rap lessons. Anyhoo. . . I still stutter under duress, but I can always sing and I still reserve the right to play with whatever musical instrument comes my way.
Will you hate me if I told you I have used a similar approach to suicide threats? The goal was to get the sufferer to go ahead and answer the question of, "Should I kill myself?" once and for all. I count it as a blessing that every one of the people I was so cruel to decided not to jump and began their healing journies instead. Maybe one of the greatest blessings of my broken life.
Hello Summer. I admire your courage and honesty, especially at your age. Like you and actually about the same age I had dreams of being a psychologist, specializing in children and trauma. But it was one of many dreams. Over the years I consider going back to major in psychology but my path has gone different directions.
It is great that you are a lover of music. Like Arfie and you, music is a passion for me. It is an aspect of every part and time of my life and thanks to my two daughters I am constantly introduced to new genres. I am now a writer among many other things and music is a necessary part of my writing. It helps me dream and see beyond my limited perception. I am also a Middle Eastern Dancer and performed professionally for over 10 years. So music really a core part of my life.
My youngest daughter is close to your age and I’ve had to watch the hell she gone through over the past two years after moving away from her friends. When we moved, she too went into a deep depression but also faced the challenges of a very clichey school that did not welcome outsiders or anyone that didn’t fit their cliches. My daughter could hold her own against the bullies but what she couldn’t handle was what these kids would do to her best friend. She became suicidal because of it, because she couldn’t protect her friend. It has taken her time to heal from that experience, especially since now we live 4 hours from her best friend.
Both of my daughters are “outsiders” but they also chose to be. I’m not a stereotypical mother, so my daughters both have grown up in a strange and unusual home. But we embrace it & have fun with it.
I’m sharing this so you know, that even though I’m a mother, I can empathize with your experiences. I was an outsider at your age and both of my daughters are the same. Not only did I learn the cruelty of teens and children in my youth, I’ve watch my daughters experience the same & honestly I must admit for your generation, kids are far crueler than I recall.
Gentle hugs and support, Summer and welcome to DS.
Hello Summer,
A true friend would never speak to you that way. I hope you have taken them right out of your life without looking back! I’d rather no friends than a fake friend like that.
Hugs,
Laurie.