Explanations?
I received the following this morning from my Ex:
It may be hard for you to believe, but this transition away from married life has been as complicated for me as it has been for you. I've made my own share of mistakes and backslides because it tears two lives at the seams.
At some point, I realized that I will always cherish you and the good years we had together, always be glad we made our son together, but regardless of the forgiveness we both had to attain for our failures (of ourselves and each other), I realize my path is separate from yours in many ways. It is tempting to slide back into the familiar, but it isn't something that feels like it's the right thing for me. I do not say that to hurt you, even though I'm aware it must. But it's the bare bones truth.
I want happiness for both of us.I do not believe that entails us being together. Despite your reassurances that you understand my agenda (which you emphasized repeatedly), I don't believe it's possible to set your own aside, which is opposed to me moving on. Since I know that is the direction I'm going, it is grossly unfair to engage in actions that give you any impression otherwise. It is my fault if I do that. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me you understand. This latest episode suggests that your heart does not understand and it's up to me to make it clear and stop contact that has legitimately confused you. That is why I apologized to you. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I caved to the temptation to enjoy something I miss having with you. It wasn't until after the fact that I finally understood that it doesn't help either of us move forward as we must do.
You have much to offer a partner and learning from our experience will lead you to a relationship that I hope, will fulfill you and be less difficult for you to navigate. As far as a record of what happened, you and I have exchanged especially long emails that you can pull apart and analyze if necessary
So, I'm dating and giving myself the time and space to figure out what I want. I'm not putting any expectation or pressure on myself. I'm almost half a century old and and learning to embrace uncertainty. That's where I am.
It may be hard for you to believe, but this transition away from married life has been as complicated for me as it has been for you. I've made my own share of mistakes and backslides because it tears two lives at the seams.
At some point, I realized that I will always cherish you and the good years we had together, always be glad we made our son together, but regardless of the forgiveness we both had to attain for our failures (of ourselves and each other), I realize my path is separate from yours in many ways. It is tempting to slide back into the familiar, but it isn't something that feels like it's the right thing for me. I do not say that to hurt you, even though I'm aware it must. But it's the bare bones truth.
I want happiness for both of us.I do not believe that entails us being together. Despite your reassurances that you understand my agenda (which you emphasized repeatedly), I don't believe it's possible to set your own aside, which is opposed to me moving on. Since I know that is the direction I'm going, it is grossly unfair to engage in actions that give you any impression otherwise. It is my fault if I do that. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me you understand. This latest episode suggests that your heart does not understand and it's up to me to make it clear and stop contact that has legitimately confused you. That is why I apologized to you. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I caved to the temptation to enjoy something I miss having with you. It wasn't until after the fact that I finally understood that it doesn't help either of us move forward as we must do.
You have much to offer a partner and learning from our experience will lead you to a relationship that I hope, will fulfill you and be less difficult for you to navigate. As far as a record of what happened, you and I have exchanged especially long emails that you can pull apart and analyze if necessary
So, I'm dating and giving myself the time and space to figure out what I want. I'm not putting any expectation or pressure on myself. I'm almost half a century old and and learning to embrace uncertainty. That's where I am.
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