Experience
I guess I have encountered the experiences that I NEED in my life. It's just hard to believe cause I'm still grappling with disappointment, anger and loss. Yet, I've been told everything that comes my way is material for growth. She completed me, or my fantasy was that she did. I sometimes don't believe that I'm complete in myself. I realized recently that I am coming around to this notion that I do complete myself and realizing this I am becoming able to share in life-enhancing partnerships with other people. Loving someone else realistically eventually, instead of seeing them as fantasy figures, projections of my own desire. No one can harm me again emotionally unless I allow the hurt. Full partners in everything and taking responsibility for actions and desires seems to be the first step toward being fully lovable. I am strong but lonely.. my strong spirit cannot understand nor bear the lies she told but my free spirit cannot handle the shackles. I am weeding my wounded spirit, cleaning it of false values and fake pride..I'm writing this down for someone to read..without pride as a thought. So unlike me.. I will never, ever bear those things again that violate my integrity. I have violated myself by giving away pieces of my truth , a secret doubt, and I tell myself it doesn't matter. But it sooooo does matter. I don't deserve excellence but realize that I do deserve the best quality of life. Peace bought at the price of self violation is no true peace; it is a form of oppression. I am slowly regaining, gathering my spirit against violation. Today and every day, I will practice becoming the person that I deserve to be........
Replies
Wow! Your journals are so moving! Yes, you will be just fine with time.
My Dear, you are traveling far and growing so tall. I too believe you deserve the best quality of life, and i will gnaw your ankles until that happy day arrives.....
This is such a wonderful journal. To come to peace with our situations and where we are not placed in life is such a big step. You will find that happiness again I believe, because you will draw it to you. You will be open to the best life has to offer. Your heart will be healed and open for it\'s next adventure. Big hugs and thank you for sharing.
I think we complete ourselves, but also, I think we need more community than our current culture easily provides. But you don\'t need a \'mate\' to complete you. A well-suited mate is nice, though...
\"I am strong but lonely...I am weeding my wounded spirit, cleaning it of false values and fake pride... I will never, ever bear those things again that violate my integrity...I will never, ever bear those things again that violate my integrity....\" ooh, thank you for these articulations, relating.
Cut yourself a break - we make bargains that are beneath us, but truly, at the time of signing, a lot of the fine print was written in invisible ink.
\"practice becoming the person that I deserve to be........ \" - inspriational, thanks for something to mull over. rooting for you ~~~
Beautiful journal entry..
You always manage to make me think... and your words are truly inspiring
You do deserve excellence, and should never settle for less than the best..
Am I reading this wrong? I am sure I am.. the cats woke me up at 4:30 this morning.. coffee is still brewing downstairs (yes the smell is distracting me) but it sounds like you\'re saying you\'re stronger which is a great thing, but no one will ever hurt you again emotionally? In order to experience \"true love\" or a \"perfect love\" arent we supposed to trust the other person unconditionally? and wouldnt that lead to possible heart ache again?
I understand wanting to look at everything as a realistic partnership.. but removing the fantasy from it completely.. kinda makes it all seem irrelevant.. and impersonal.. like a business arrangement... Ill do the laundry if you do the grocery shopping type of thing.. which is day to day life, and truth is I can do both by myself. There is no reason to get into a relationship in my opinion without the butterflies and the fantasy,
I have no doubt you will meet a woman who will bring those butterflies back, who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.. You have to big of a heart not to.. you are the most compassionate, articulate, intelligent man Id ever had the pleasure to speak with.. any woman out there would be lucky as hell to find someone like you.. you already know you deserve nothing but the best.. this time make sure SHE is deserving of YOU.. do not settle for anyone who can not appreciate everything and all that you are.
Thanks for taking the time to read guys, you have given me more to ponder..and I like that!
Meddle, I have had the distinct pleasure of spending some time with you, and I am so thrilled to see this journal entry. This is the fruition of all that was started back then. I have to tell you that I teared up with pride for you, in climbing, in leaving things at the river, and in becoming the incredible human being I know you to be. Thank you so much for sharing some of yourself here, so that others can know what I know.. Love and hugs my friend, Kimmee
I can so relate to what you said in your journal--it was like I was writing those words. Wow! Gave me chills, but in a good way. I like how you dig deep and really ponder what you life was and will be. I think the fog is beginning to life for you, my friend, you are starting to see all the possibilities, the joys, the highs and are letting go of the pain of the past. Awesome journal, Meddle!!