Experience

I guess I have encountered the experiences that I NEED in my life. It's just hard to believe cause I'm still grappling with disappointment, anger and loss. Yet, I've been told everything that comes my way is material for growth. She completed me, or my fantasy was that she did. I sometimes don't believe that I'm complete in myself.  I realized recently that I am coming around to this notion that I do complete myself and realizing this I am becoming able to share in life-enhancing partnerships with other people. Loving someone else realistically eventually, instead of seeing them as fantasy figures, projections of my own desire.  No one can harm me again emotionally unless I allow the hurt. Full partners in everything and taking responsibility for actions and desires seems to be the first step toward being fully lovable. I am strong but lonely.. my strong spirit cannot understand nor bear the lies she told but my free spirit cannot handle the shackles. I am weeding my wounded spirit, cleaning it of false values and fake pride..I'm writing this down for someone to read..without pride as a thought. So unlike me.. I will never, ever bear those things again that violate my integrity. I have violated myself by giving away pieces of my truth , a secret doubt, and I tell myself it doesn't matter. But it sooooo does matter. I don't deserve excellence but realize that I do deserve the best quality of life. Peace bought at the price of self violation is no true peace; it is a form of oppression. I am slowly regaining, gathering my spirit against violation. Today and every day, I will practice becoming the person that I deserve to be........