Expectations of the Dry Alcoholic....

it's NEVER enough. it doesn't matter how much you give...it's never enough. when it comes to alcoholics and dry alcoholics in your life they have hidden agendas of what YOU shoudl and should not do and be in their lives. Being the daughter of a dry alcohlic... it just never is enough.... She needs to go to the doctor... and I shld be johnny on the spot ready to drive her to and from... even though it's 200 miles out of the way for me. When there is a doctor thirty miles from her home and in my home town. 

BUT I NEED YOU... I've heard that for the past 3 weekends in a row now. There has been a crisis every weekend... and I am supposed to come running. I was at the lake one weekend. I DID go stay 3 days with her last weekend... and this weekend... it is something else.

And I am supposed to just automatically BE THERE. I told her i did not want to drive that far.. and she was MAD> But it's true... She said i could go on my day off... I don't have days off. It just doesn't matter... in the summer she is always upset at something... and it's always me or dad bc you don't get mad at the alcoholic brother. and now dad is dead... so it is me. The remaining target for her inability to pull herself OUT of her depression and up off the couch... It's been that way all her adult life. She even admitted that to me this summer

I hung up on her. She started screaming and i hung up. just not going to be screamed at ... period. my husband doesn't scream at me. i don't scream. and i had enough of it growing up.

but what else can i expect. she's like deadling w/ an alcoholic. they are bottomless pits. they are never satisfied. never happy. struggle w/ their depression and YOU are the reason for their unhappiness ... always. always... always. They do not take responsibility for their own struggle or depression or unhappiness.. and they are mad when you do not want to dig them out one more time. 

it happens every summer when she is not working. i hate the summers . i dread them bc of her. i do not want to be her babysitter. but i have been since i can remember. it was up to me and dad to keep her happy.

and when she gets mad... she stays mad. so i will be getting a text or call from the alcoholic brother bc i've made her unhappy. that's the way of it. oh well. 

life is going well... but when you have alcoholics in your family you never know when you are going to get thrown a curve ball... it hadn't happened this summer... it was bound to happen.and it finally did. i've tried taking care of her.. but when she gets upset... she blames it on someone around her... the pressure has been building this summer. her house is a disaster. i have cleaned her patio... was that remembered. NO. I went and stayed 3 days last weekend. did she remember that? no. I've been several times this summer. Does she remember any of them? NO.. bc it is NEVER ENOUGH> they always want more more more ... emotionally and from your own soul. 

she has had to go to lbb for several appts and i have not volunteered for any of them... bc i hate driving there. and it's horrible. when she can easily come to a much closer place for all of those services. her friend went with her once and she went by herself. so she's harboring anger about that bc she expects ME to be the one to go with her... NOT someone else. i tried living 500 miles from her. but then she would come and stay for 5 wks at a time. that was HORRIBLE>

it wld be nice to live much much further from her. but then she wld come stay for endless amounts of time and want me to do the same. like i said... it's just never ENOUGH>

they are bottomless pits.