Expectations of Others

My whole life i've lived in the shadows of having to live up to the expectations of those around me, like i needed to be perfect, cant make any mistakes. I was and still am afriaid of rejection from them. I didnt pass my first year of college and my family doesnt know, my friends dont know, my former high school teachers etc. I wanted to be the image of someone they can be proud of who wont make any mistakes and can go off and do great things. When it came to family, worrying about the opinions of my family were an issue but another issue was getting love from them, i felt like i had to earn it.  If i were to tell my grandma who i hate to admit it but hard to please, if i were to tell her i didnt pass my first year, i would think she be disappointed in me. The pictures i chose for my senior video for my grandma dissaproved saying she wouldnt of picked them if she was me. I think its best if there were things in my life she shouldnt know about because if she was going to be upset about pictures imagine what she would think of me not being in school or flunking my first year. I feel i have to watch what i do because it would change what people thought about me. I'm terrified. I am. I'm afraid to talk to my grandma because i dont know what or whenshe was going to ask me about something. I try not to think about what other people think about me but i have a graduating class who is away at school who study real hard and have that perfect image and once i think about that all my worries come back.