Expectation is the root of all heartache
I feel like such a fool to have gotten my hopes up so much this cycle. Did I really think our first IUI was going to work? No, not really, but somehow hope makes a way in and takes over. I had the most vivid dream Thursday that I took a test and it was positive I was crying tears of joy - it was amazing...then I woke up. After that dream I had to take a test! It was, of course, negative. Now this was on the 31st and I wasn't due for AF until the 4th, so even seeing a negative sign I was hoping things could change. Then comes Friday around 7pm - I started spotting, had some craps so I'm upset, but now aware that my period is here. Then spotting stops completely by the end of the night. Then Saturday night I start spotting again very dark brown and I've read all over in the past that this could be a good thing and be an early sign of pregnancy. I didn't take another test bc I was holding out hope and I also knew I had an appt for blood work anyway Monday morning. I woke up this morning and about 2 hours later I start bleeding heavily, AF has arrived. I of course broke down for getting my hopes up and actually thinking it was implantation bleeding. The dark spotting could have been from the HCG shot or the progesterone suppositories, but the only thing I want to believe is that it might be because I'm pregnant.
Now next step is go to RE Tuesday for monitoring. Get a prescription for clomid and just pray producing more eggs will help out my husbands swimmers so they find their way to at least one of them.
Now next step is go to RE Tuesday for monitoring. Get a prescription for clomid and just pray producing more eggs will help out my husbands swimmers so they find their way to at least one of them.
Replies
I\'m so sorry. It\'s so hard not to hold on to hope and try to see a positive outcome. In the end, it sometimes just makes it worst on our heart. I still think we have to try to think it will eventually work or else what\'s the point of trying at all.
I hope your appointment goes well and that your next cycle brings a BFP.
xoxo
I really appreciate that, Roxy. You are so very right though, if I had no hope in the matter than what\'s the point? I will be hoping for a BFP for you as well. Lord knows you and so many women on here deserve it! xo
I\'m really sorry. After 1 1/2 years of TTC, we did our first IUI last fall and even though I knew the chances were slim, I held out hope and also felt foolish when AF arrived. I didn\'t believe it was AF until I bled heavily, I held out hope that the spotting was an early sign of pregnancy. It\'s hard not to get caught up in the expectation and the hope, sometimes I think the hope is all we really have in this awful IF journey. I hope your appt this week goes well and the next time your dream becomes reality and you get your BFP!
I will try and keep the hope alive then, HopefulinNYC! Sending some more hope your way too. Best of luck to you this month. Praying you get your BPF!!