Existing
Wednesday Sept 5, 2012 7:03pm
I feel as if I am just existing, no purpose no future, no hope. I am not sure where I am suppose to go in this life, what I am suppose to do, and where I suppose to live. The days go by so fast. I used to live LIFE, now it is what it is. Nothing to it. I know all this is my depression is talking. Something inside me keeps saying, but if you made more of a effort you can pull yourself out of this but on the other hand I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have never felt so alone as I have recently. I have hardly any hope when it comes to a refreshing new love, no hope of ever having my own family . No hope at all. Does the pain ever end?? feel like I cannot breathe. I wish I was dead, not among the living but i guess there is some explanation why I have to live. I just have to. I used to do crafts, paint ceramics, go see my friends, and read my romance stories now I just sit at my computer staring at it. My dog "Honey" just sits there watching me trying to figure out what I see in this contraption. I always feel as if something inside me is fighting to be released. I have gained some weight, depressed and discouraged about that. I feel less beautiful now. I know that really is not true. I miss my friend Stevie. She misses me too, but there is nothng we can do about it unless I get a apt in Osawatomie. It seeems that no matter what I do to get out of the darkness, something keeps sucking me back in.
I feel as if I am just existing, no purpose no future, no hope. I am not sure where I am suppose to go in this life, what I am suppose to do, and where I suppose to live. The days go by so fast. I used to live LIFE, now it is what it is. Nothing to it. I know all this is my depression is talking. Something inside me keeps saying, but if you made more of a effort you can pull yourself out of this but on the other hand I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have never felt so alone as I have recently. I have hardly any hope when it comes to a refreshing new love, no hope of ever having my own family . No hope at all. Does the pain ever end?? feel like I cannot breathe. I wish I was dead, not among the living but i guess there is some explanation why I have to live. I just have to. I used to do crafts, paint ceramics, go see my friends, and read my romance stories now I just sit at my computer staring at it. My dog "Honey" just sits there watching me trying to figure out what I see in this contraption. I always feel as if something inside me is fighting to be released. I have gained some weight, depressed and discouraged about that. I feel less beautiful now. I know that really is not true. I miss my friend Stevie. She misses me too, but there is nothng we can do about it unless I get a apt in Osawatomie. It seeems that no matter what I do to get out of the darkness, something keeps sucking me back in.
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