Exhausted

I have been busy with grad. school.  I forgot how intense it was until I resumed, but I am so thankful for the time off that I did recieve because I needed it desperately.  I love my classes because I get to be the test subject and so does my supervisor.  Hehe, since he volunteered.  The papers are not hard, but are actually fun to do because I am now in the clinical side of Psychology.  Yay!!! In counseling, I learned that because of what happened to me I do not sleep well at the beginning of the week, which explains why I am so exhausted by the end.  I also learned that from the first rape when I lived in MO made the second rape around more intense for me.   This week I have been exhausted because it seems that I sleep well every other month.  Since having counseling, I hope my sleeping habits have changed because I let out my feelings galore about the rape, and will probably do that again this week. I still have re-occuring flashbacks, and will until Jesus returns, but I don't want the past abuse to consume my life, instead I want the Lord to have complete control.  I was able to cry over three flashbacks in the past 2 weeks.  The other day I cried myself to sleep for about 5 minutes, then I was out like a light. I was watching "Step-by-Step," and Dana was attacked after going to a college interview.  She said, "I'm scared," and the minute she said that I started to cry for about 5 minutes because he didn't respect her, but her cousin came to her rescue to protect her.  I wish I had something like that when I was raped.  I hate my stupid neighbor!!!!!!