Exhausted....
I'm so emotionally exhausted. Somedays I feel like I can't go anymore. I feel like I'm the only one giving - but why? He was the CS, he should be the one giving everything - but he is content with staying and having a wife and kids. I struggle with my own emotions - somedays I just want to leave - I want to leave the pain and the hurt behind - just run away from this mess of a life he created. I'm doing everything to get myself better, I'm in IC, I'm going out, I'm having fun with the kids, taking care of me and I know I don't need him but I want him in my life, in my kids life. Somedays I feel like a clown - a big old smile in the outside and laughing but not happy in the inside. I wish to be happy again, I wish not to worry about our future, I wish for the pain to go away, I wish for better days.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Replies
Awww player, I think you need a hug!!! You are doing great, whether you know it or not. Try to remember that you have the added hurdle of your H being deployed. It\'s hard to feel connected when you are a world away. I give all of you military wives so much credit. You are so very strong. Things will get better. Just take it one day at a time. Sending you prayers and support!
I feel that way to at times. Probably more than I actually care to admit. I try to remeber you can\'t run away from the pain. I think it will follow me no matter where I go and I would rather face it with my H than alone. I think that would be harder. Keep hanging on. Better days will come.
Thanks for the support!! I needed to hear it!!
Boy do I understand how you feel...I cannot count the number of times I\'ve thought how badly I just wanted to run away from him and all the damage he has done to my life, to our kid\'s lives. But I know it\'s not really going to solve anything...running away I\'d just be taking the same problems with me, just to a different place. Some days I don\'t know how I\'m ever going to get through this...I just keep praying and really living in the moment. I try to enjoy the simple little things, I love the moments when my kids make me laugh and I feel human again, if only for a little while. They are my everything and I will keep fighting for them. A lot of days I still don\'t know if things are going to work out for our marriage, but I\'m trying to be patient with myself and allow myself to feel whatever whenever. We are stronger than we realize and we will get through this!
You sound just like me......I am having a hard time just like you right now. You feel like you are giving but not getting what you need from him. My H says that he is not going to spend the rest of his life kissing my ass for one mistake that he made....that is the shit I am dealing with. He feels like he should just be able to go on with life and everything will be better. I never before doubted his love and when he said it...i always believe him....but now when he says it...it most of the time means nothing to me...and that is just sad. I wonder if ME or WE are going to make it too. I feel that same way that you do about being able to live without him but you just don\'t want to and you want him there for the kids. I am completely with you. Hang in there and hopefully things will get better for both of us.
Ladies I do hear you loud and clear!! He stopped saying I love you during his EA cause he was thinking about her and what he says I love you now I dont really believe it - I know he cares about me but the I love you is really hard to accept. Things r ok but sometimes I also wonder if things are going work - I\'m starting to enjoy doing the things I used to - taking the kids out cause its not their fault - they dont have to sit at home and see me crumble - they need to see a strong woman. Stay strong!!!!!!