Exhausted

I don't think people who don't suffer from anxiety really get how tiring it is to be so uncertain, afraid, and unsettled we are when we're in the midst of an attack, or when we have attacks all in a row with very little reprieve. I finally got in with my PCP today. After nearly a dozen phone calls which were nervewracking experiences in and of themselves. She agreed to write a refill for my mood stabiliser and my anxiety medication but wouldn't hear of adding an anti-depressant or increasing my dosages. She insists I wait for my consult with the p-doc who won't be back in the country for two weeks. So in the meanwhile I've decided to up my dosage myself. I think doubling up will be enough and hopefully I'll be able to meet with teh p-doc and have him give me an anti-depressant. I know these meds take 4-6 weeks to reach therapeutic levels, but the half life on each of them is pretty good and I haven't been without meds for too long so I'm hoping I will adjust quickly.  At the clinic it felt like the whole time was one long anxiety attack and my blood pressure reading was so high my PCP said it was basically worthless as an indicator of my usual readings. Even my temperature was elevated. And now I am worn out - feeling a lot like a wrung rag.  And to top it off they made a mistake at the pharmacy and charged me instead of my insurance. I was so out of it I just paid so I could get out of there. Now the supervisor says I have to come in to have the charges reversed and the claim put into my insurance. It's certainly not happening today.  I had a list to keep me busy and my day structured so I'd be too focussed on today's goals to spiral further or fixate on negative thoughts, but I haven't gotten through a quarter of it and I'm dead tired. At least I'll get some sleep today. I've been so keyed up that sleep has been an unusual occurence this last week, but the anxiety attacks have worn me out to the point where I'm just ready to keel over.