Excerpt from the Orange Papers

Excerpt from the Orange Papers:  It's just like what Andrew Meacham described in his chapter on co-dependency (in Selling Serenity): invent a non-existent disease, and then charge a fortune to treat it. Now you can seek "treatment" because Grandma was a wild fun-loving flapper who loved to party and drink bathtub gin and dance the Charleston.  So just what is co-dependency? Well, we never get a good definition. It's kind of like the word "smurf". If you ever watched the Saturday morning Smurf cartoons on TV, you know how they used the word "smurf" for everything: "We're going to smurf us up a smurfing good time." And another little blue guy responds, "Smurfy!"  Well, co-dependency is like that. No matter what ails you, it's probably caused by co-dependency, even if you don't even know that a distant ancestor once drank alcohol. That is not a joke or an exaggeration. The authoress tells us that most "co-dependent" grandchildren of alcoholics weren't even told about their alcoholic grandparent, but that the imbibing grandparent was still supposedly messing up their lives anyway. (Page 44) Supposedly, any and all of these things are causes or signs of co-dependency:  1.       Childhood sexual abuse 2.       Childhood non-sexual abuse 3.       An alcoholic parent 4.       An alcoholic grandparent 5.       A childhood emotional abuse 6.       A mentally ill relative 7.       PTSD 8.       Living in a victim lifestyle 9.       Harsh discipline (pp 72-73) 10.   No discipline 11.   Rigid Parenting 12.   Loose, passive parenting 13.   Silent violence 14.   Moodiness and inconsistency 15.   Dependence of children for moral support 16.   Feelings not allowed to be expressed openly 17.   Neglect of emotional pain and hurts 18.   Threat of beatings 19.   Lack of affection and touch 20.   Play, laughter and spontaneity are not permitted 21.   Inappropriate parenting or uneven parenting 22.   Smothering and over-protection 23.   External focus (pp. 7-11) 24.   Unable to identify or express feelings 25.   Cannot ask for help 26.   Extreme thinking 27.   “Inability to model appropriate emotions through parenting” (p. 17) 28.   Double messages 29.   Family secrets 30.   Distorted family image (pp. 49-57) 31.   Self-blaming 32.   Good at forming superficial relationships 33.   Difficulty asking for help 34.   Struggle with compulsive behaviors 35.   Tend to be secretive 36.   Prone to episodes of depression or anxiety 37.   Strong family loyalty 38.   Shame for being chemically dependent 39.   Difficulty with relationships (pp. 59-62) 40.   Out of touch with feelings 41.   Poor self-worth 42.   Feel angry a lot 43.   An inability to set limits or boundaries in most areas of their lives (pp. 77-88) 44.   Fear is the dominant emotion 45.   Compulsive need for intimacy 46.   Under-reactors or over-reactors 47.   Extreme thinking (again) 48.   Passivity 49.   Self-blame and guilt 50.   Physical illness and addiction 51.   Loss of spirit 52.   Victims become abusers 53.   Teenagers run away from home (p. 159)  Some of those item pairs form double-binds: "harsh discipline — no discipline" "rigid parenting — loose, passive parenting" "under-reactors and over-reactors". Either way, you are "diseased" with co-dependency, and you need to pay Ms. Smith money for  “treatment”. You can't win. And I love this "sign of co-dependency": "shame for being chemically dependent". What about its opposite? Is it a sign of good mental health if you are proud to be addicted and brag about it?   Joke Are you breathing? Yes, that's another sign of co-dependency, too. Careful statistical studies have revealed the fact that 99.9% of all co-dependent Adult Children Of Alcoholics habitually breathe, no matter whether they are aware of it or not.”  http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-snake_oil.html