Evolving Psychobabble
Perhaps the hardest part of my recovery from child sex trafficking is the rapid cycling psychobabble that has accompanied that 47 year journey since my first formal psychotherapy appointment. Am I XYZ or ZYX? Can we pick a name and/or theory set make ^it^ work? This phenom was far easier to handle in pro therapy than in my peer support network. Pop psychology is far more respected in peer support than pro support. My pros are far more respectful of the diffs between cases than peers in search of club membership.
My most intensive pro therapy happened under the label, "Manic Depression." In the 90's, the transition from "Manic Depression" to "Bipolar" was nearly as mysterious as the transition from "Square" to "Cool" within the group therapy circles. We figured Medical Doctors didn't want to compete with the likes of Winston Churchill and Stephen Spielberg. Go figure. . . Fast forward a couple of decades and med compliance piss tests are required for entry to some of the Bipolar support groups. I continue using the psychotherapy tools I learned in those circles, but often wonder if I was a fool to embrace them in the first place. I still feel the banishment from what I naively believed was actually helping my own unique case.
I fear PTSD support groups are undergoing the same transition. By the time the "cPTSD" dx was entered into my VA files in 1999, my condition was stable and I was ready for release from formal psychotherapy. Child sex trafficking is a pretty serious flaw in childhood conditioning, by any name, and my pros and I were in agreement that I would probably need to use self-maintenence for life. Here I am, still more interested in managing the actual symptoms than developing new names for those symptoms. Do I even want to know what "PTSD Brain" is? I think I'd rather be the coolest Barbie on the barbed wire.
I rejoined the DS PTSD support group to put it back on my newsfeed yesterday. I am still triggering off its presence there, but I believe I am a near to getting a handle on identifying the triggers and where those trigger effects are taking me. I believe I am still hurt by the rejecting evolutions of the Bipolar community and bracing myself for a similar rejection from the PTSD community. After all, I don't even know what PTSD Brain is. Is it worth learning? Is there a healing community in the world tolerant enough to embrace bred and born White Trash Whores openly and honestly? I sure feel attacked every time one of the current PTSD trendsetters launches into one of their blame games. I can't be sorry enough to have been born into that world. No point to defending myself to the folks who inadvertantly blame me for ^it^ with zero healing hopes. Leaving quietly now. . . Yes, I know you didn't call me by name in your blame rant, but. . . Well. . . Why would I trust an unforgiving blamer anywhere near those tender wounds? Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
Sorting. . .
The chickens sure like their new condo. Still tweaking the aesthetics and holding steady through the psychopations. The mint and bougainvilla bed on the west wall are looking vibrant.
Replies
Good morning Arfie. My life is made up of experiences that leave me wondering how I still live today.
I learned of the after affects as Shell shock for which my father was treated for years following his service. Then there was hardly any in the field that would consider it if the patient did not serve in the armed forces. When my first husband came back from Viet Nam(1972) the term PTSD was just being introduces and significantly studied by the VA. Again the the patient was defined by service. Still there was a stigma attached to admitting something happened that was more than a person could mentally handle. Those that succumbed were ostracized only adding to the hurt that caused it.
The terms now are relatively new, but to me there is a difference in when the harm is inflicted, the earlier in human development the harder to overcome, since our thinking patterns for various tasks are set early in life. Also the length and repetition(s) of traumatic incidences are also are of note, were we allowed to catch a breath and learn to rationalize or attend wounds to ourselves and thought process?
I understand that my past does color my thinking but I am not locked into that. I can practice until the first reaction is quelled to let me look at what is happening to me today, not in the eyes of yesterday. This helps me to push on.
The names change and doctors fall behind or may accept the term but define it by their knowledge, which always needs new input.
Hugs and hopes you stay, regardless of terminology. Many speak in the themes of their thought process not ours. You have helped me so often to take a step back and view a situation from a different vantage point allowing me to wipe my first conclusion to a better fit solution.
J.
Ps my mint is up but needed to look up the other, which is beautiful by the way. I wonder if it will grow in my area. Second coffee in. and the clouds are clearing.
Hugs.
J.
I remember when we first became friends Arfie and how much you helped me navigate and sort through the new version of PTSD I was going through. You were always and still are faithfully there for me. You’ve taught me so much.
Often we’ve joked about being like soul sisters because we often are much alike. You were my first friend on DS and as you know, I’ve gone through this too. You helped me through it.
I think we face the same issues with the PTSD community. I know I still often get triggered by the forum and as is obvious I rarely post or comment on the forum anymore. For me the forum is becoming harder and harder for me to go near again. It’s due to the recent issues I’ve been having with the new DBT Skills Group being a major PTSD trigger.
I really haven’t been on the forum much to pay any attention to the current jargon. I started using “PTSD Brain” as a way of explaining to my family and especially my aunt who is still in cancer treatment after she was talking about “Chemo Brain”. Her description seemed so similar to how my brain was behaving that I just started saying I was suffering from “PTSD Brain” every time I was in crisis or the symptoms were going crazy rather than try to explain my PTSD to my family. I had no idea it’s now being used by other people. Hello oblivious!
I’m glad you’re trying to reconnect Arfie. I know you’re strong enough to do this. I wouldn’t worry about the lingo. I’m quickly learning it changes faster than urban & slang dictionaries can process it.
I learn by trying to understand other people’s perspectives and experiences. I learn by finding the commonalities and differences and then assimilate it and make it into something that is my own.
I think PTSD is still on the evolutionary road. I think it has a long way to go before doctors and people who have it figure it out.
Hugs & love Arfie.
Sorry, Mighty River, but the new version of PTSD is where I abandoned you and I still feel blatantly ill-equipped to navigate all that *New* stuff. My guidance has come from my understanding of the developmental theories. The major diffs between the exposure Jewells and I received from the shell shock (pre-PTSD) theories is that I am a disabled veteran. I began "Civilian Shell Shock Therapy" in 1974 while I was on active duty and it transposed neatly into the VA channels. Well. . . as neatly as is allowed for lab rats. Who tells the lab rats anything? The first in house VA paper coining the acronym, PTSD was published in 1992. It was another seven years before the Manic Depression/Bipolar dx was declared an official misdiagnosis.
I dunno if I am making my way back to the PTSD circles or knot. Just testing the waters. The PTSD brainers make me feel far more antiquated than supported. Keeping up with all the latest pop psychology never has been considered good therapy on my own therapy support network. It provides far more party talk than psychotherapy. Who is in *your* Toxic People Landfill?
For now, I agree with the assessment that PTSD is an anxiety disorder. I don't need precision verbage to address my symptoms of the day in the Anxiety forum. I'll leave the experting to the up-to-date experts.
Healing hopes for all. No exceptions. I am trusting the healing mysteries who have guided me since my most official dx was, "White Trash Whore."
I have always appreciated your support and kindness to Arf…. I am so sorry that you've felt or been rejected in some way..... Gentle hug.... It was great to see you back..... xo
Thank you, Jan. Is it progress that I am no longer sorry for having feelings. Even the yucky feelings are vital contrast in the complex weave of a human life. One of the therapy tools I use in my psycho sorting is separating the facts from the feelings. Feelings are fluid and complex and can run the full spectrum in the course of a single psycho sort. Facts remain the same, regardless of the feelings. In this particular sort-a-thon, the facts are:
1) Psychology is an infant science. Of course it's evolved in the 40 odd years since I began my recovery from child prostitution.
2) Language is either evolving or it is dying. Just ask the Romans and their native Latin speakers.
3) Social anxiety causes feelings of rejection. I promise I won't take those feelings seriously until I get a notice direct from the official captain of the DS Troll Trawler.
4) My strictly psycho personal triggers are mine to sort. Your support of my sorting process is and always has been priceless. Thank you.