Evolution....is it in the jeans...?(genes)
This weekend was okay... warm for this time of year....I've notice lately, I've become a rather good grumpy old man...Okayso I'm only 55, I'm grumpy beyond my years...What really bothers me is the things I say.... there so mean and hateful sometime....I don't mean any of the mean things that some outta my mouth...Why can't I just keep my trap shut....Then again with a young idiot adult in the house it's like a tug of war...My son says chit just to push all my buttons.. (just one is enuff )To bad he's to big...I'd lick his lips and stick him to the wall somewhere...Why is it you give love and support and try to set an example for ya kids,and well feels like they just wanna mess with ya brain....I aint got much brain....Oh well just say I use less then I use too...Would you looky at that .... this train of thought just derailed... OmyWhat a mess...Is this evolution...I'm becomeing my parents before me...Mostly my mom and grandmother....U all know we inherite more from our moms and grandmothers than we do from or dads.... Why is thatDad knew how to keep his mouth shut...NOT ME !!!I'm changin feet with one hand...Hard to hate my grandmother for her abusive behavior now that i understand it more...I just feel sorry for her now knowin all the love she missed...the joy that love fills the heart with and the peace that comes from being loved in return...Oh I'm sure she loved me in ways only she understood.... sad part is she had all these dreams...but the hatred in her heart was so controlling they were never realized... She past away alone, she was alone almost all her life... guess that's why her heart was so dark and angry...I fear becomeing that lonely, angry person...When I'm grumpy, and my mouth shoots off....I really don't like myself... I'm always appoligiseing ( I"m sorry--- I'm sorry) Does asking forgiveness for being grumpy really do any good...do spellin help ya grump better.....I know it's in my jeans.... cause they fit too tight....okay so much for gene jokes... I'm in a battle with my past.don't know how long I can last.each day is anew it's all I can dojust one day at a time....I pray our loving Creator will keep my heart filled with Love..Please drive away the darkness that fills the heart with despair..Help me hold tight to Hope, and kindness...Give me strength to continue in the face of pain and frustration..Please share with me and all those like me a moment of pain free love..amenruss
Replies
Russ young adults arnt anything like we were at their age.I believe yo uhave raised your son with love and respect.He will come around as he matures and learns responsiabilitity for himself.You know the school of hard knocks.
We are a product of what we knew as we grew up.Doesnt mean that we have to copy the way that our grandparents acted.We also learn to do differantly and to treat our own children differantly by the wrongs of our parents.
Genes are only that genes\' but our thoughts actions and attitudes are our choices that we are responsiable for.
If you have access to the libuary look up some books on self help and read up on how to ditch the bad memories.Or at least how to deal with them in a constructive way.
We dont have to turn into anyone else dont worry about that.We are our own person,with our own personalitys and best yet we have the control over how we respond and treat and talk to other people.
I have faith in you and I know you can work it out.
Lonely is in everyone of us russ we have to find ways to cope with those areas.You can do it.
Where is that happy person HUH?
Hugs! Rachel
I\'m a graduate of the school of Hard Knocks.. Just been having some ups and downs with the weather pain and Depression...Also started a new med.. I think it\'s kinda messin with me in ways I don\'t understand yet...doc gave it to me for nerve damage that cause my right leg to hurt and sting all the time... get real crazy when I walk too much... like a thousand scorpions stinging a once, then I can\'t stand up any longer... so I\'m like a rusty old tugg boat being bashed against the rocks by some enormouse waves... it\'s a wild ride... with a sinkin feelin... but I\'m still grinnin that toothless grin most the time... or I\'m cryin and whinin lol... I know I\'ve done a good job with my children... a great one even... could of done better... but hey... no one perfect rite... thanks for caring... I know children with return to the ways of their teachings... always Russ