Evolution....is it in the jeans...?(genes)
This weekend was okay... warm for this time of year....I've notice lately, I've become a rather good grumpy old man...Okayso I'm only 55, I'm grumpy beyond my years...What really bothers me is the things I say.... there so mean and hateful sometime....I don't mean any of the mean things that some outta my mouth...Why can't I just keep my trap shut....Then again with a young idiot adult in the house it's like a tug of war...My son says chit just to push all my buttons.. (just one is enuff )To bad he's to big...I'd lick his lips and stick him to the wall somewhere...Why is it you give love and support and try to set an example for ya kids,and well feels like they just wanna mess with ya brain....I aint got much brain....Oh well just say I use less then I use too...Would you looky at that .... this train of thought just derailed... OmyWhat a mess...Is this evolution...I'm becomeing my parents before me...Mostly my mom and grandmother....U all know we inherite more from our moms and grandmothers than we do from or dads.... Why is thatDad knew how to keep his mouth shut...NOT ME !!!I'm changin feet with one hand...Hard to hate my grandmother for her abusive behavior now that i understand it more...I just feel sorry for her now knowin all the love she missed...the joy that love fills the heart with and the peace that comes from being loved in return...Oh I'm sure she loved me in ways only she understood.... sad part is she had all these dreams...but the hatred in her heart was so controlling they were never realized... She past away alone, she was alone almost all her life... guess that's why her heart was so dark and angry...I fear becomeing that lonely, angry person...When I'm grumpy, and my mouth shoots off....I really don't like myself... I'm always appoligiseing ( I"m sorry--- I'm sorry) Does asking forgiveness for being grumpy really do any good...do spellin help ya grump better.....I know it's in my jeans.... cause they fit too tight....okay so much for gene jokes... I'm in a battle with my past.don't know how long I can last.each day is anew it's all I can dojust one day at a time....I pray our loving Creator will keep my heart filled with Love..Please drive away the darkness that fills the heart with despair..Help me hold tight to Hope, and kindness...Give me strength to continue in the face of pain and frustration..Please share with me and all those like me a moment of pain free love..amenruss
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