Everyone is so young here.

When I read any posts it's like I am so much older and been dealing with this stuff so much longer. It kind of pisses me off. Like "Am I getting ill again?" Of course, it's a life long thing and the voices always pick up where they left off. Get a strategy for Christ's Sake. How can a person consider suicide when they're afraid of their voices? I just don't get it. That is not how it works with me. Like dying would rescue me? That would bring me closer to 'them'. No for me they aren't frightening they are my world, enticing, inviting, and dabilitating. "Come live with us and give up your life. You're losing it anyway, can't you see? We're your refuge." They save me from insane people and noise. I don't know how to live without them or with them! I'm stuck in a bind!!! I understand paraniod. Sometimes those thoughts and things I hear and not being able to tell what's real is scary. But it doesn't make me want to commit suicide. Why is it scary cause it's endangering my life right? But the slow thought of losing my mind makes me want to end it. The embarrassment of being age 51 and talking a lot of nonsense!!I'M FUCKING PISSED!!!  Children all! So interested in the day dream and the thought and fixation of suicide and yet I know it is real. Stear away. Head the warning. Ignore what can be ignored and make peace with what cannot be. Get a grip, get a grip, Lorna