everyone forgot
i'm living in a world that has forgotten Sophia. I wake up everyday and the sun comes out. How can that be? Why would the world just keep spinning even though my precious little Angel is gone? I can see that Spring is on its way and i hate it. All the life is coming back into the earth and i'm just walking around dead.
I think about how i should be sleep deprived from holding a crying baby, not from crying alone in my own yard. My house is clean, it should have baby clothes and toys everywhere. Sophia should have seen her first snow this winter, and the Canadian Geese that come here every Spring. I could take her to see her new niece who's coming in June. She could keep me occupied and spit up milk on my $165 text books.
Instead i just sit here and think about what should have been. And i feel so cheated even when my own sister calls me and makes even the slightest comment about her daughter, who is yet to be born. I'm not vindictive, i'm just jealous. And i don't understand why she had to get pregnant so soon after i lost my baby, and with a baby girl!!!!!!!!! I remember the day after i came home from the hospital, and the sun shone in our room and i said i wish that sun would go the hell away. Thats what i think everyday. I want that sun to stop rising and the world to stop spinning and for everyone to stop and realize that we lost a beautiful little Angel like Sophia.
But no one stops and i'm the only one who remembers. And sometimes i feel like i'm just in this glass box staring out at everyone who's moving on and i can't because part of me wants to stay with Sophia in that awful moment in September forever.
I think about how i should be sleep deprived from holding a crying baby, not from crying alone in my own yard. My house is clean, it should have baby clothes and toys everywhere. Sophia should have seen her first snow this winter, and the Canadian Geese that come here every Spring. I could take her to see her new niece who's coming in June. She could keep me occupied and spit up milk on my $165 text books.
Instead i just sit here and think about what should have been. And i feel so cheated even when my own sister calls me and makes even the slightest comment about her daughter, who is yet to be born. I'm not vindictive, i'm just jealous. And i don't understand why she had to get pregnant so soon after i lost my baby, and with a baby girl!!!!!!!!! I remember the day after i came home from the hospital, and the sun shone in our room and i said i wish that sun would go the hell away. Thats what i think everyday. I want that sun to stop rising and the world to stop spinning and for everyone to stop and realize that we lost a beautiful little Angel like Sophia.
But no one stops and i'm the only one who remembers. And sometimes i feel like i'm just in this glass box staring out at everyone who's moving on and i can't because part of me wants to stay with Sophia in that awful moment in September forever.
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