Everyday is a Struggle

  I woke up daily from my bed,but fear of gettin hurt making me to get away from the people I care.My best friend cares about me the most,because of my mental illness I have been away from her so long and I did not talk to her in the way I mean something.Im afraid that I will be the annoying one and so I did not talk to her.She is my only friend and i dont know what to do.I have a worst attendance in my class and because I did did not talk to her,even if there are people my class I get the feeling of loneliness.I dont want to go to college untill she speaks to me.Its like a new person growing inside my mind and I cant do nothing about it.And this birthday is the worst of my all the irthdays I ever had.Im sober for almost 18 hours a day and I cant even sleep.I feel like Im bullimic.But I really want to talk to her.This was my mistake and I was being rude.I have to apologise to her and be friend with her.I feel alone like a puppy left by its mama...SO everyday I struggle and anyway I gather and hope that I would talk to her and get ready to college...Im stll hoping...

Because she is the best......