Every day is a new day
I took a stand against my verbally abusive boss this week. I was trying to explain to him the situation and why I made the choice I did and I was told to "just shut up." I have been working for this man for four years and it's been the same "broken record." Every time he is verbally abusive I stand up to him and tell him how I feel without behaving the way he does and stooping to his level of abuse. He stops his actions for the time being and we move on. This time, I made a decision to quit my job. He quickly changed his tune and apologized for his behavior. He asked me to reconsider and stay and gave me a couple of days to think it over. He shared a side of himself that I'm sure was uncomfortable for him to admit. I, of course, decided to stay until I find different employment. This behavior of his will be hard to change. I look at this situation no different than the one I'm dealing with at home.
Speaking of, nothing has changed at home. My partner is still a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. His behavior is erratic and not logical. One minute he says one thing and the next day will argue with you and say that he did not say what is being quoted or that I made it up. I guess that's all related to the alcoholism. He has a very bad shaking problem too. His hands shake uncontrollably. As usual what he says does not correlate with his actions.
I have decided to take this opportunity to do the same as I did with my employer. I am fed up with the way I am treated. I'm not even myself anymore. I keep quiet and just go along with whatever is being said or done. I was asked this morning, "why are you acting like this?" My response was, "you act any ol' way you want, you say whatever you want, you do whatever you want so why can't I act however I want." I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of feeling like I'm always wrong. For goodness sakes, I can't even have my family or my grandchildren over at the house because it's his house and he hates children and does not like my family (his mother bought the house we were renting. Guess how many times I've been kicked out in the last 17 months we have lived there).
I can do this. I've done it before and was just fine. As for the emotional scars, I will seek counseling. It will take some time to learn to trust people again. I have no friends. All of our friends are his. One of the reasons I have chosen not to create any bonds is to protect that person from his abuse and protect myself from having to hear his putdowns.
I was a strong woman when I was younger. I took no crap for anyone and I certainly would not have gone through half of what I put up with now. Funny, life will teach you everything you need to learn at the time you need to learn it. After proofreading what I have just written and looking at it from an outsiders point of view, I've got some SERIOUS issues and need some SERIOUS help. This is not the me I want to be.
Speaking of, nothing has changed at home. My partner is still a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic. His behavior is erratic and not logical. One minute he says one thing and the next day will argue with you and say that he did not say what is being quoted or that I made it up. I guess that's all related to the alcoholism. He has a very bad shaking problem too. His hands shake uncontrollably. As usual what he says does not correlate with his actions.
I have decided to take this opportunity to do the same as I did with my employer. I am fed up with the way I am treated. I'm not even myself anymore. I keep quiet and just go along with whatever is being said or done. I was asked this morning, "why are you acting like this?" My response was, "you act any ol' way you want, you say whatever you want, you do whatever you want so why can't I act however I want." I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of feeling like I'm always wrong. For goodness sakes, I can't even have my family or my grandchildren over at the house because it's his house and he hates children and does not like my family (his mother bought the house we were renting. Guess how many times I've been kicked out in the last 17 months we have lived there).
I can do this. I've done it before and was just fine. As for the emotional scars, I will seek counseling. It will take some time to learn to trust people again. I have no friends. All of our friends are his. One of the reasons I have chosen not to create any bonds is to protect that person from his abuse and protect myself from having to hear his putdowns.
I was a strong woman when I was younger. I took no crap for anyone and I certainly would not have gone through half of what I put up with now. Funny, life will teach you everything you need to learn at the time you need to learn it. After proofreading what I have just written and looking at it from an outsiders point of view, I've got some SERIOUS issues and need some SERIOUS help. This is not the me I want to be.
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awwwwww. hugs