Evenings/nights are THE WORST
So I made it through another day. Go me! Friday I went to a support group for depression, and I felt good about it. But as soon as the time is near for husband to be home from work and everyone to settle in, my depressive, anxious mood settles in without fail. I take a Klonopin. It does nothing. I try to avoid taking the sip of a wine cooler that eventually turns into 3 cans, and I can't fight it because I would do almost anything to not feel the way I feel in the evenings. My husband and I are close, but somewhat out of touch. My mind doesn't seem to want to sit on the couch and watch tv as our time spent together, and he usually gets into his video games. I try not to complain about this because he is also having a hard time with work and wants to escape reality. I don't know if it's boredom, or extreme loneliness, or just plain old obsessing over the fact that I can't have a nice, normal evening, but I just can't. I can't get through the evenings without breaking down. And I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to keep that bad wave of panic, fear, emptiness, and boredom from coming on, and I can't stop it once its present. Feeling pretty shitty right now. A good cry would be nice, but it would actually only make things a little worse around here. I just want...I don't even know what I want. I just don't want to feel the way I feel.
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Nights are hard for me too. I start to dread the next day, I feel more empty/bored/lonely. I dread interacting with my own husband because I\'m afraid he\'ll have bad news or I\'ll get upset over something. Sometimes I just go to bed really early to try and escape these feelings.
Good for you for going to a support group! It always helps to be out and around people. I understand your feeling anxious as the time nears for your husband to come home. Perhaps it would help if you found something just for yourself to do in the evenings? I find that a good self-help book or a good fiction book helps pass the time and keeps my mind off things. Or if you\'re not a reader, find a good movie on your laptop. Anything you can do to stop thinking about things. Minute by minute when you have to! Thinking of you, Brittany, and hoping things are better for you today.
Thank you! I am actively trying to find things to get myself into in the evenings to wind down. With my attention span, though, I\'ve been having a hard time focusing on any one thing. I got names for counsellors today and I\'m waiting for a call back to schedule therapy. I\'ve got to find a way to overcome my mind as I believe it isn\'t falling for the distraction, if that makes sense. But that is very good advice, and I plan to try to do just that.