Even in Death My Best Friend is Healing Our Family...
It was almost 17 years ago now that my husband came home with our first family pet. A Beautiful, Loving, Sweet, Kind, Red and White Cocker Spaniel. His coat was soft and shiny and when we would lay on the floor he would smother us with kisses. The kids would just laugh and laugh. Sam came with us every where the beach, the lake, camping, even the drive inn movies. He loved to drive anywhere and he would bring laughter and smiles and warm the hearts of anyone that knew him. As the years past and the children grew up I had my Sam. When I had Ovarian Cancer several years ago I had my Sam. He never left my side followed me from room to room. Permanatly placed at the end of my bed or sofa always keeping my feet warm. I never needed slippers because he was always at my feet. When my Husband left 10 months ago I HAD MY SAMMY BOY. He stayed up with me all through the night. If I didn't sleep he didn't sleep, if I didn't eat he didn't eat. His LOYALTY TO ME WILL NEVER BE MATCHED. Not by a friend, not by a child, not even by a husband.
This beautiful creature was my light in so many dark times. Somehow just holding him and kissing his nose gave me peace that everything will be ok. At 10:30 am this morning my Sammy went to watch over me from above. No longer could his body stay with me. Blind and Deaf, suffering from Arthritis, and losing all bladder control I could no longer bare to watch him waste away. I called my ex and told him what was going on with Sam. He came to be with us and took Sam to the Vets office I could not do it I just didn't have the strength to watch. He was for the first time riddled with hurt and guilt about what he had done to our family. After Sam was gone he brought me his collar and leash and then fell to his knees holing on to the bottom of my legs. I fell down to and for about 10 minutes we held each other and cried. He kept saying how sorry he was and how he was to blame for everything, that he caused all this and that he was stupid and selfish and that he would spend the rest of his life paying for this mistake that he could never take back.
When we calmed down enough to let go of each other we sat outside and just talked about all the great memories we had with Sam. Then he told me he would never forgive himself for not being here for the last months of Sams life. I told him that I used to talkt Sam about you and told him that Daddy misses you but he is just LOST AND CONFUSED. I have not seen my ex like this EVER. He took full responsibility for everything and even caught up on his spousal and child support. He told me that when he saw Sam drift away he was hit with a ton of memories and flashbacks of our family and he used to be a man that would never want to bring any harm to his family but to protect his family and do the best he could to take care of us. He said that Sammy just looked at him as if to say Where have Been I have been waiting for you? I have to go now so it's up to you now to watch over them love them and protect them.
I saw the look in his eyes, the sound of his voice, and when we held each other it's like all the shit melted and it just didn't matter anyore. I thanked him for releasing me of any guilt and giving me the closure I so desperatly needed in order to go on with my life. But it's even harder now without my SAMMY. I think Sam's death has forced him to have to deal with his pain and the pain he caused maybe he will start making the changes that he needs to if he wants to try to have any chance at having his family together again one day. As for me i'm going to stay the course that I am on continuing to be stronger, and live my life. I will miss Sammy so much because he just loved me no matter what. I feel that through Sams death he has brought his family closer and gave Wayne and I a reason to need each other again if only for an hour. I know Sammy is among Angels now watching over us and I will be forever blessed for having this beautiful creature in my life. And maybe it will because of him that the family he loved so much will be whole again only time will tell..... THANK YOU SAMMY FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU BROUGHT ME JOY YOUR SPIRIT IS SET FREE NOW.........RUN RUN RUN AGAIN SAM RUN FAR AND RUN FAST.... I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY MY BEST FRIEND.................................
This beautiful creature was my light in so many dark times. Somehow just holding him and kissing his nose gave me peace that everything will be ok. At 10:30 am this morning my Sammy went to watch over me from above. No longer could his body stay with me. Blind and Deaf, suffering from Arthritis, and losing all bladder control I could no longer bare to watch him waste away. I called my ex and told him what was going on with Sam. He came to be with us and took Sam to the Vets office I could not do it I just didn't have the strength to watch. He was for the first time riddled with hurt and guilt about what he had done to our family. After Sam was gone he brought me his collar and leash and then fell to his knees holing on to the bottom of my legs. I fell down to and for about 10 minutes we held each other and cried. He kept saying how sorry he was and how he was to blame for everything, that he caused all this and that he was stupid and selfish and that he would spend the rest of his life paying for this mistake that he could never take back.
When we calmed down enough to let go of each other we sat outside and just talked about all the great memories we had with Sam. Then he told me he would never forgive himself for not being here for the last months of Sams life. I told him that I used to talkt Sam about you and told him that Daddy misses you but he is just LOST AND CONFUSED. I have not seen my ex like this EVER. He took full responsibility for everything and even caught up on his spousal and child support. He told me that when he saw Sam drift away he was hit with a ton of memories and flashbacks of our family and he used to be a man that would never want to bring any harm to his family but to protect his family and do the best he could to take care of us. He said that Sammy just looked at him as if to say Where have Been I have been waiting for you? I have to go now so it's up to you now to watch over them love them and protect them.
I saw the look in his eyes, the sound of his voice, and when we held each other it's like all the shit melted and it just didn't matter anyore. I thanked him for releasing me of any guilt and giving me the closure I so desperatly needed in order to go on with my life. But it's even harder now without my SAMMY. I think Sam's death has forced him to have to deal with his pain and the pain he caused maybe he will start making the changes that he needs to if he wants to try to have any chance at having his family together again one day. As for me i'm going to stay the course that I am on continuing to be stronger, and live my life. I will miss Sammy so much because he just loved me no matter what. I feel that through Sams death he has brought his family closer and gave Wayne and I a reason to need each other again if only for an hour. I know Sammy is among Angels now watching over us and I will be forever blessed for having this beautiful creature in my life. And maybe it will because of him that the family he loved so much will be whole again only time will tell..... THANK YOU SAMMY FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU BROUGHT ME JOY YOUR SPIRIT IS SET FREE NOW.........RUN RUN RUN AGAIN SAM RUN FAR AND RUN FAST.... I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY MY BEST FRIEND.................................
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